How It All Came To Be
by YaoiQueen95
Summary: This is how I think Ikkaku and Yumichika met and how they learned to trust each other. Future yaoi! I don't own bleach.
1. Remembering

**OK so this is the first chapter of my new story. It could be considered in this part and some others to be a sequel to True love never dies or a presequel. This is about how they met and learned to trust each other.**

**I don't own bleach most people that hate yaoi would not like bleach if I did owned it.**

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It was a chilly night with the full moon shining in the sky surrounded by the stars there wasn't a cloud in sight. The wind blew softly making the leaves dance in the air. Yumichika smiled softly at Ikkaku as he twirled around smiling happily. It had been a few months since Ikkaku had found out about Ruri'iro Kujaku. They had gotten over their fight and were happy together both had learned from the experience of almost losing the other. Yumichika smiled and sat down on Ikkaku's lap as Ikkaku handed him a cup filled with sake. Yumichika snuggled into Ikkaku's chest smiling. This was all he had ever really wanted to be held by Ikkaku.

"What's got you in such a good mood besides the fact that it's your birthday?" Ikkaku asked wrapping an arm around the small waist pulling the slighter man closer kissing the top of Yumichika's head.

"Oh its nothing it's just that today is the day when we first met and it just made me happy to realize that we've spent another year together!!" Yumichika replied drinking some of the sake smiling as the wind blew his hair softly. He felt Ikkaku smile into his hair taking in the scent of his freshly washed hair. Ikkaku had changed with him and was now the perfect lover. He was much more caring and understanding of what Yumichika did and in turn Yumichika let himself show Ikkaku the affection that he had kept to himself for years. The only thing that Yumichika wasn't very happy about was the fact that Ikkaku now officially took all his fights no matter what. It didn't matter if the opponent was weaker them him or if Yumichika was going to use Ruri'iro Kujaku.

"Why have you taken all of my fights, Ikkaku?" Yumichika questioned. He felt Ikkaku's sprite energy increase in embarrassment and them return to normal.

"I don't want you to get hurt that's all. I love you to much to watch you get hurt anymore them you already have. It's better if it's me me that gets hurt." Ikkaku said blushing still not used to talking like that. He felt Yumichika's smile. He couldn't help it even though it annoyed him that Ikkaku had become so protective of him it didn't mean he didn't appreciate the gesture. Yumichika looked up at the sky watching its beauty he felt Ikkaku relax and watch the sky like he was doing.

_'I still remember how we met. I think that that was my first birthday present and that it was the best present anyone could have ever given me.'_

_I know I'm a part of you. I remember it was the first time you felt truly loved and save._

_'Yeah Ikkaku saved me and ever since them I have been at his side._

"What are you thinking about??" Ikkaku asked yawning. He was tried. He and Yumichika had just gotten back from a very hard mission.

"Ohh just talking with my beautiful Ruri'iro and remembering how we met!" Yumichika said happily getting up.

"Ikkaku lets go to bed! I'm tried and I want to sleep so that I can stay beautiful for you!!" Ikkaku grinned he loved him and would always remember that very special day when they first met and when they learned to trust each other. For as long as they had been together they had learned to take care of each other and love each other. Although it was a difficult and harsh life that they faced. It was all worth it just to be with each other.

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**Ok so there is the begining hope you liked it and please Review.**


	2. First meeting and the nickname!

**Chapter title: First meeting and the nickname**

**Word count: 4461**

**Summary: This is part of Yumichika's and Ikkaku's past and how they met.**

**Warming: There is a small rape scene nothing to graphic.**

**Authors note: Well this took way to long to write and I don't like how it turned out at all but whatever. I hope you atleast enjoy it. **

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**Yumichika's story**

It was September the twelfth as the trees began to loss there brilliant greens for the reds and oranges of fall. Yumichika couldn't believe what was happening. The person that he had learned to trust and accept as a friend had betrayed for a few coins. '_Is that all I'm worth a few coins. I know I'm not useful but is it that easy for people to hate me, for them to turn around and throw me aside. Like trash. Is that all I am?'_ He though as he ran through streets and alleys knowing that if he didn't get away soon it would all be over for him. He ran faster and faster his heart beating in his chest like a painful drum.

He felt the weight of another body fall on him. With a heavy heart he looked up. He knew who it was and it only made it more painful. He saw the light blue eyes and blond curly hair framing a males face. '_Why did he betray me like this?' _He hated himself for been so weak. He hated himself for not noticing that he'd been used again he looked at the man that he had trusted. He had almost considered him a friend but now as the bandits picked him up and tied him . They began to drag him away he only felt the slow embers of hatred awaking in his heart.

"I'm sorry." Whispered the man as they carried him away. He didn't even bother replying. He had thought he'd found someone that might actually care about him even if it was just a little. Maybe as a friend or equal. Instead he found out that the retched man had been sent to find him and had only acted kindly to him for the purpose of capturing him. He could have cried at the thought that the one person that he had learned to trust had betrayed him.

"I really am sorry Yumichika!" It sounded as if the man were asking him for forgiveness.

"No your not Chikao!! You were planing this along!" Yumichika hissed. If he had been free he would have punched that fool. He whimpered as he was dragged away to that place from before, from his past, that he had been trying to forget. The place that he only visited in his nightmares. All he saw were the lights of fire from the place he had once called home.

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**Ikkaku's story.**

Ikkaku walked down the dirty road. The air smelled of smoke and blood. The village had been attacked from the looks of it. He couldn't help the look of disgust that appeared on his features. He truly hated this place. _How could so many people be killed this easily? _He wondered. He continued his slow pace down the road wandering if any of the attacker were around for him to fight. He let out a sigh as he looked around to find that besides the moon and stars there was nothing left in the destroyed village. '_It probably was attacked less them an hour ago.' _

He continued walking his only company were his two swords. He looked up at the sky it was still early in the night he would walk on a little further until he found a place to use as a camp. He continued for hours until he reached a shelter under trees that were losing there color. He sighed again he was truly bored there wasn't any one to fight and so the world was duller them usual. He gathered some dried branches and made a small fire. He took out his blanket and fell asleep.

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**September 18 ; Yumichika**

He hurt everywhere! His body felt like lead and he knew he was covered in bruises and bite marks. He could still feel the hands on his body and the pain as he was raped again and again. He felt tears running down his face and he hated himself for not being stronger. He looked up at the stars sadly. '_Maybe this is all I'm worth.'_ He hit his head on the wall behind him as he sat on the floor, back against the wall, and gaze fixed on the door that would bring the next person in. The next person that would hurt him and kill a small part of him with it. Every time that door opened he learned that he couldn't trust anyone other them himself. He learned that nobody loved him or ever would.

He tried not to cry now, after all, it wasn't going to help him. He felt disgusted with himself. He heard the door open and his eyes widened in horror as a man walked in. He couldn't see in the dark but he knew that it wasn't help. It never was. As the figure came closer and closer his heart pounded in his ears and he wanted to scream. He found himself pinned to a wall and felt hands running down his chest, to his groin, and soon enough his clothes were thrown on the ground. He wanted to struggle but his body was to weak to do anything. He felt the mans mouth cover his own in a kiss and when he refused to give entrance into his mouth he was smacked hard across the face. He let out a gasp of pain and the man took the opportunity to force his tongue into Yumichika's mouth.

Yumichika bit down and heard the man hiss in pain and felt pain blossom in his stomach as he was punched repeatedly. Until he spit out blood. He knew he couldn't fight or struggle any longer, but that didn't mean he would let them do whatever they wanted to him.

"That's what you get you little whore! After all this is all you'll every be worth!!" The man laughed as Yumichika fell to his knees clutching his stomach in pain. He looked up at the man with a look of distaste written on his face. The man laughed at him again as he began to undress. He grabbed Yumichika and forced him onto the bed. Yumichika closed his eyes and tried to ignore it all but he couldn't. He could hear the man grunting as he thrust into him. He didn't even give Yumichika time to adjust to the feeling. He could also feel warm blood trickling down his legs and the pain kept on getting worse and worse to the point that it was unbearable _Why is this happening to me? Why can't I find happiness anywhere? _He felt a mouth on his neck and teeth biting down. He felt blood trickling down his neck. He knew that it would seem to last an eternity, it always did. He also knew that he had to get away soon or he would lose what little strength he still had left. They were starving him added to the beatings and the raping he knew he wouldn't last much longer.

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**September 18; Ikkaku**

To say Ikkaku was mad would be on understatement. Every opponent he found was weak and easily dealt with. He sighed again his life was becoming so dull and boring as of lately. Not that it had ever been interesting but he had thought coming to the lower districts. He'd get a good fight out of it or at least something important. He had no idea how right he was and he wouldn't know for a long time after. With another sighed he cleaned the blood of off his swords, sheathing them, he kept walking for a long time. Until he found himself surrounded by more bandits. He laughed maybe they would be stronger.

He was left disappointed beyond words yet again. He kept walking after taking what little money they had on them. He arrived at the next village pissed off, more them usual. As he reached the inn he rented a room and putting his pack on the futon he headed of to take a shower. After, which he went to the gambling house won some more money, beat up the guards that stated he was cheating, and headed to the inn to sleep.

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**September 19 before sunrise; Yumichika**

Yumichika awoke more depressed them usual it was his birthday and he was stuck in this living hell. He looked outside and sighed in relief it was still dark which meant he still had time to get out of there and run as far as he could. He looked around the room. Searching for his clothes was painful he was limping badly. His search proved fruitless he couldn't find his clothes anywhere. He jumped when he heard the door open. As he turned around to look at who it was he felt anger rise up in waves of murderess intent.

"How dare you show your face to me?!! Chikao haven't you hurt me enough? I trusted you. Didn't I make it clear that all I wanted was someone to care about. I trusted you, for the first time in my life I trusted someone, and this is how you repaid me?" Chikao looked at Yumichika and noticed all the bruises and bite marks. As Yumichika walked toward him he noticed the limp as well. His face was sad as he saw Yumichika's pain and struggle to stay standing. He instantly regretted betraying Yumichika. He had had no idea what they were going to do this to him but the pain that Yumichika was trying to hide said more them enough. He was shocked when Yumichika slapped him, but what shocked him was how weak it was. He now saw the weight loss, the dried blood on his body, and the black bruises everywhere much more clearly. He also realized with a wave of sadness that Yumichika was giving up.

"I didn't know! I'm sorry!" Chikao pleaded. He looked at Yumichika and saw tears form in those beautiful violet eyes.

"I don't know why, but I wish that were true. I wish with all my heart that I could say I believe you, but all this time I learned something. Nobody well ever love me, nobody well ever care about me, and I can never trust anyone! That is what I have learned. Even when I want to find someone that well love me I know now that there is no one. I'll always be alone. I'll always be in pain." Yumichika told him with a look that showed that he believed every word he'd said.

"Don't talk like that Yumichika! You'll find someone! You deserve it more them anyone I have ever met." Chikao reached forward to grab Yumichika's hand, but Yumichika back away. He fell after a few steps the pain finally becoming to much for him to handle. He laid there and began to weep again. He felt so used. All he wanted was for someone to love him and to feel needed. Was it really that much to ask for?

"It doesn't matter to you! Just leave. I've heard enough from you!" Yumichika cried out. He was panting making the bruises on his abdomen hurt more. His lungs felt empty as he struggled to breath normally.

"I'm sorry." Chikao whispered as he pulled out on orange kimono with yellow and red feathers from a bag on his back. He sat down next to Yumichika and lifting him up as if he were a small child he looked at the bruises. They were everywhere on his arms, legs, chest, and even his face had a few bruises on it. He also noticed that Yumichika trembling in pure fear.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He whispered trying to help Yumichika relax he went to the little sink at the corner of the room and filled a bowl with water.

"A little late for that! All of this pain is your fault! At the very least you could have warmed me, but you didn't! You left me for dead! You abandoned me and now you decide to care. I don't want your pity!" Yumichika answered there wasn't any hatred just a deep sadness that left one speechless. Chikao took a small towel and dipped it in the dish. He gently began to clean most of the blood off and clean the cuts out. He could hear Yumichika sobbing so lightly. '_He doesn't even have the strength to cry. What have I done?' _Once Yumichika was cleaned up he bandaged him up as best as he could.

"Why are you doing this? They aren't going to stop. I'll be dead soon enough anyways and no one well even know who I was or what I wanted or how badly I was hurt. I thought that you were my friend but apparently I don't have any friends or family to love. I'm all alone yet again or should I say like I always have been." Yumichika stated looking at him with no expression at all. His eyes were empty and dull except for the glistening tears that ran down the pale face. Chikao lifted Yumichika to his feet and gently put the kimono on him tying the obi for Yumichika. He smiled at him but Yumichika only wiped away his tears and turned to go back to his bed. _What have I done? I have to help him. His so frail! His dying in here and no one deserves this kind of treatment! _Chikao handed Yumichika the bag and watched as Yumichika looked at him confused.

"There is water and food in there. That's all I could get you and the kimono with the zori. I'm sorry! The door to this room is opened and if you go to the left and them right down that corridor you'll find an exit that isn't guarded." Chikao told Yumichika. he watched as Yumichika's eyes widened in shock and new tears began to appear ,these however, were of joy.

"Thank you Chikao. Thank you so much I'll never forget this." Yumichika mumbled as his throat closed up. He hugged Chikao tightly. Chikao hugged back tightly knowing that this would be the last time he would ever see Yumichika, but it was worth it. Knowing that Yumichika might get a second chance was all he truly wanted.

"Go Yumichika! You don't have much time." Yumichika got up put on the zori that came with the kimono he thanked Chikao one last time and ran. He ran out of there and ran as far is he could. He ran until his entire body felt exhausted and continued to ignore the injures he already had. Even them he continued to walk as far away from there as he could and he realized that would probably be the last time he ever saw his first friend. With a new sadness in his heart he began to cry, but he continued knowing that Chikao had given everything up to safe him. He realized far to late that he had been followed.

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**Night time; Ikkaku**

Ikkaku was running down the road where he heard some screaming. All he could see were canopies of trees. As he got there he saw some bandits beating up a small body on the floor. Ikkaku looked in disgust. The person on the ground wasn't even putting up a fight. He ran forward and quickly picked a fight with them. He hated it when people beat those weaker them themselves and from the looks of it the small frame curled into a tight ball wasn't that strong. As he fought the man on the ground looked up in surprise at being saved.

"Yo I'm Ikkaku Madarame and you are?" The bald headed man asked standing in front of him swords raised. He sighed maybe this man would save him. _Ikkaku Madarame I thank you. _The fight soon became a blur to Yumichika until he couldn't make anything out. The pain in his very bones began to fade as he let go of the waking world for the world of dreams.

Ikkaku sighed they had been weak again. He looked at the bloody body on the floor and wondered if he should try to help the person. He sat down next to the limp frame and looked at the person. He couldn't tell whether it was male or female. He checked for a pulse and found a very weak one. He picked the small body up and couldn't believe how light the person was. _Why would anyone beat someone this weak up? _He looked at the face and realized that even with the bruises the person was very beautiful. He sighed again and kept walking until he found a small camp site with a river running near it. He began to undress the small body but instantly the small person began to struggle. Until violet eyes opened and looked at him with fear and sadness.

"Hey don't give me that look. Your to pretty to look so sad." Ikkaku said without thinking. He watched as the person tried to get up but failed.

"You think I'm pretty?" The small body was far to weak to hold the person up his legs were broken that much was clear and wouldn't have surprised Ikkaku if a rib or two were broken as well.

"Well yeah! Your a very pretty girl." The small body laughed but stop when he started coughing up blood.

"I'm not a girl. I hope you know that." He replied much to Ikkaku's shock.

"Well them whats your name?" Ikkaku asked once the shock had disappeared.

"Yumichika Ayasegawa and yours is Ikkaku Madarame. Right?" Yumichika stated looking up he grimaced as pain shot through his body.

"Yeah! I'm glad you were awake when that happened hate for you to think that I'm one of them. You really should stay still. I'll clean you up and patch you up as best as I can. Okay?" Ikkaku watched as Yumichika nodded slowly. He finished undressing Yumichika to find that he was far to skinny. He could see Yumichika's ribs under the skin. He decided to start a fire and warm some water with which to bathe Yumichika. He couldn't help but feel anger at how they had beaten Yumichika. He gently washed away the dirt on his skin and dried blood. Once he was done he let Yumichika's hair down watched in amazement as curtains of silky black locks fell around the pale face. He washed it out watching dirty and leaves run down the river. He left Yumichika's hair down so that it could dry and redressed Yumichika making a mental note to buy him a new kimono.

The next time Yumichika woke up he was wrapped in a blanket and there was a warm fire next to him. He felt clean and his hair seemed to have been washed. He smiled to himself knowing that the blanket belonged to his savior, it smelled of him too, and that he was to thank for the fact he was clean. He knew he wouldn't be able to walk anywhere any time soon for his entire lower body ached. So he watched the flames dance until he heard someone walking toward him. He tensed slightly until he heard the voice of a person he'd get to know very well and for a long time.

"So you're awake." He heard Ikkaku's gruff voice and turning his head slightly to look at him he smiled before replying.

"Yes. Thank you for bathing me and for the warm blanket." Ikkaku couldn't help but smile at the smaller man who seemed content just as he was.

"You have to eat something." Ikkaku stated going next to the fire. Where a small pot lay filled with soup. Ikkaku took a bowl and poured some of it for Yumichika to eat. He walked over to Yumichika and instead of handing it to him and let him manage on his own. He help Yumichika into a sitting position. Which made Yumichika notice the make sift casts on his legs. Yumichika drew in his breath sharply and looked frightened.

"They really did a lot of damage this time." Yumichika whispered mostly to himself but Ikkaku had heard what was said and felt anger rise within his heart. He felt the need to protect Yumichika and kill the bastards that had hurt him. Before realizing what he was going to say he spoke something he never thought he would.

"Hey Yumichika! If I ever find the ones that have been hurting you I'll kill them! You got that?" As he said that he watched Yumichika look at him shocked and them smile happily.

"Really? You'd do that for me. You're the first person to defend me like that so thank you again." Yumichika answer looking at Ikkaku with a soft blush on his face. Ikkaku nodded and took a spoonful of the soup and began to feed Yumichika. Once Ikkaku finished feeding Yumichika. He helped the smaller man lay back down.

"Thank you Ikkaku." Yumichika mumbled with a yawn and went back to sleep.

Yumichika woke up to to a light touch on his shoulder and he felt someone lift him up. After a few minutes the person set him back down. It was dark probably an hour or so away from midnight and he felt frightened by the fact that he couldn't see who had been holding him.

"Don't move and don't make a sound Yumichika." He heard Ikkaku state calmly as a pack was dropped next to him. He turned to where he had heard the voice.

"What's going on?" Yumichika didn't like the fact that his voice sounded so weak. He was terrified now not knowing what was happening at all. That was until he felt Ikkaku's strong hand on his shoulder which for some reason comforted him.

"Some bandits are coming. I'll deal with them but if I lose you'll be safe here." Ikkaku stated not noticing Yumichika's panic at the thought of losing him. _Why do I care so much? It's not like I know him that well, but for some reason I feel like I've known him all my life._

"Please be careful." He heard Ikkaku soft laughter, but he didn't get a reply only silence as Ikkaku disappeared into the darkness that consumed the world. He soon heard the sounds of fighting and them nothing at all. Until he felt a hand on his shoulders.

"Ikkaku thank goodness your okay." He realize in that instant that it wasn't Ikkaku but one of the bandits Ikkaku had spoken off. He felt his breath catch as he recognized the man as one of his captures and tortures. He screamed as loudly as he could as the man lifted him up by his neck. He felt lighted headed with pain, but soon he heard more sounds coming closer and closer he hoped it was Ikkaku or else he was in deep trouble. He felt shock and happiness overload his senses as he saw a body land next to them.

"Put Yumichika down now!" Ikkaku growled his battle grin and the need to feel bloodthirsty disappeared the second he saw Yumichika dangling from the mans large hand. Yumichika's face was terrified as he looked at the man who now held him. Ikkaku felt his anger rising at how terrified Yumichika seemed to be.' _I'll kill him! I have to safe Yumichika.'_

"Oh is this your new master?" The man hissed into Yumichika's face. Yumichika looked much paler them usual.

"His... I don't know. Let me go!!" Yumichika whispered trying to pull his face away from the other mans while the bandit was distracted by Yumichika. Ikkaku had gotten close enough to strike. Before he even realized it the bandit was dead and Ikkaku had a trembling Yumichika in his arms.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt?" Yumichika looked at him and mouthed the word yes for the first question and no for the second.

"Whats wrong?" Ikkaku asked his voice laced with worry, but his face didn't reveal anything.

"Looks like you're already being to keep you word." Yumichika mumbled trying to stop his body from trembling.

"They're from the group that hurt you!" Ikkaku stated in surprise he watched Yumichika nod and he sighed. _No wonder he was afraid. _Ikkaku took Yumichika back to their camp site where five more bodies laid. Yumichika gasped and looked around in horror. At that moment the fire burned out and they were left in darkness.

"They're all from that group." Yumichika whispered as Ikkaku set him down and re-wrapped the blanket around Yumichika. He went around to finding fire wood and lighted a new fire. As everything was set into its place Ikkaku laid down a little away from Yumichika to sleep. He noticed that Yumichika couldn't sleep he was still terrified.

"What's wrong?" Ikkaku asked annoyed. Yumichika looked at him sadly.

"It's nothing." That was a flat out lie. For a blind man could tell that something was wrong with Yumichika.

"I don't like lies." Ikkaku stated watching Yumichika's face become sadder.

"It's just that they were sent after me and because you helped me they attacked you. I'm sorry." Yumichika stated looking at the ground. _All I am is a worthless burden to him and yet he stays here instead of dumping me somewhere or killing me. _

"I don't care that's what I live for, to fight." Ikkaku stated even though he realized that that wasn't what was worrying Yumichika.

"Oh alright."

"So you're not going to tell me whats bothering you?" Ikkaku asked raising an eyebrow.

"I... It's just that they were some of the ones that captured me and beat me. I can't believe they're dead, but I don't like the fact that I feel happy about it. It's wrong because if I feel happy them I'm no better them then. It's so confusing! This should have been a happy day for me. It's my birthday for fucks sack." Yumichika sighed and Ikkaku laughed at that.

"I doubt you'll ever be like that. You're to kind and gentle to become like that. Now sleep we have a long ways to go and happy birthday Yumi." Ikkaku stated and yawned. He watched Yumichika smile at him and nod. With that they both went to sleep. Ikkaku dreaming of battle and Yumichika having nightmares of that place.

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**Well hope you enjoyed it and please review tell me if you like it or don't like it. **


	3. How we came to be!

**Chapter title: How we came to be!**

**Word count: 1975**

**Summary: This is when Yumi is taken to the village and they beging traveling together.**

**Warming: NONE (the next chapter is a different story)**

**Authors note: This is story and sweet. I hope you like it and enjoy.**

** Also thank you to Koitoy for reviewing and to ObsidiianBttrfly (as well as koitoy) for reading my stories and telling me they like them. **

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Yumichika opened his eyes only to be blinded by the sunlight that hit him straight on. He heard Ikkaku chuckle and turn to look at him. He watched the bald man pack everything up with a sense of order to all his movements. Yumichika smiled as he sat up slightly light headed. With a yawn he looked around to find that the bodies were gone and Ikkaku had set out a gray yukata that was a few sizes to big next to him. He smiled it was a nice thing to do with the small factor that he couldn't move to get it or put it on.

"Good morning Ikkaku!" Yumichika exclaim as cheerful as he could with little hours of sleep and all spent in nightmares.

"About time ya got your butt up!" Ikkaku replied watching Yumichika's features fall in sadness.

"Get that look of yer face already. I'm was joking okay?" Ikkaku felt annoyance at the face and watched Yumichika's face transform from sadness to pure joy. Ikkaku walked over to him and grabbed the blanket. Folding it up and packing it. He walked back to Yumichika, grabbing the yukata on the way, and sat down next to Yumichika. He helped Yumichika into a sitting position.

"This is the smallest thing I have. It's to big for ya I know but it should help you stay warm." Yumichika smiled and reached out to grab it with a look of pure gratitude. He got dressed with Ikkaku's help and much struggle and whimpering. Yumichika looked at Ikkaku tears in his eyes his body ached again and he wished he hadn't moved. Every bruise ached dully and his legs hurt so much.

"Sorry but ya had to get out to that damn thing. It doesn't suit ya either." Ikkaku said and watched Yumichika looked hurt.

"Hey whats wrong now?" Ikkaku asked trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. He really didn't understand this man now seemed to be happy one minute and upset the next. With a sigh he looked down at Yumichika.

"It's just that Chikao gave it to me." Yumichika mumbled a little embarrassed at feeling mad about something so little. He looked up at Ikkaku fearful that the other man might leave him there for that.

"And who is Chikao?" Ikkaku asked confused. He watched Yumichika's eyes were clouded with a look of sadness._ 'I'm not sure what to say. Should I tell him that Chikao helped those guys capture me or should I tell him that he saved me? Maybe I should tell him the truth, the whole truth.'_

"Chikao was a friend that I held very dear, but... he betrayed me for the bandits that you killed. He lead them to me and didn't warm me about it until I was already captured.

"Chikao!" Yumichika exclaimed happily watching as said man came in with blue bells in his arms. All for Yumichika. Yumichika ran toward him wearing a baby blue kimono with white stars on it. His hair fell freely around his face and body. With a light skip in his step and a soft smile on his face he arrived in front of the taller man.

"Are they for me?" Yumichika asked still smiling.

"Yep." Chikao said a soft smile crawling onto his features as he watched Yumichika grab them and dance around pure joy written on his face. He almost, almost, thought about warming him, but didn't want to risk his life for the sake of a man that no one would miss. He felt sadness wash over him like a wave when he saw the look of joy on the beautiful face.

"You okay? Chikao." Yumichika asked worry for his only friend written on the pale face. Innocent violet eyes that sparkled in the light looked at him with pure worry. '_Why am doing this?' _He thought as he watched Yumichika come back to him.

"I'm fine." He stated coldly and watched Yumichika's features fall in sadness. As he opened his mouth to say something the door was kicked in. Yumichika turned around quickly, while Chikao grinned, and watched armed men came in. He recognized them as the men that had held him hostage for a few weeks before he'd escaped. Yumichika trembled and watched as Chikao tried to grab him only to receive a kick to the groin as Yumichika ran out of there as fast as he could manage. Yumichika ran down the streets he heard yelling from the little shack he'd called a home. He also heard the sound of feet hitting the ground as he was chased and his own heart beat added to the chaos around him. '_How did they find me? Chikao he wouldn't have done this! Would he?' _He turned into an alley way once he was back on the street he ran into another one and another one. Trying in vain to escape them. He realized the sun had set and all was covered in a blanket of darkness with only the light of the moon and stars to illuminate his path.

He continued to run, cursing lightly, as he realized he'd gone in a huge circle wasting time and energy. He heard more footsteps behind him them before and the screams of angry people at being disturbed from their daily routines. That's when he felt a mans heavy weight land on him. With a heavy heart he looked up. He knew who it was and it only made it more painful. He saw the light blue eyes and blond curly hair framing a males face. '_Why did he betray me like this?' _He hated himself for been so weak. He hated himself for not noticing that he'd been used again he looked at the man that he had trusted. He had almost considered him a friend but now as the bandits picked him up and tied him . They began to drag him away he only felt the slow embers of hatred awaking in his heart.

"I'm sorry." Whispered the man as they carried him away. He didn't even bother replying. He had thought he'd found someone that might actually care about him even if it was just a little. Maybe as a friend or equal. Instead he found out that the retched man had been sent to find him and had only acted kindly to him for the purpose of capturing him. He could have cried at the thought that the one person that he had learned to trust had betrayed him.

"I really am sorry Yumichika!" It sounded as if the man were asking him for forgiveness.

"No your not Chikao!! You were planing this along!" Yumichika hissed. If he had been free he would have punched that fool. He whimpered as he was dragged away to that place from before, from his past, that he had been trying to forget. The place that he only visited in his nightmares. All he saw were the lights of fire from the place he had once called home.

"That's how they caught me but I still think he was my first friend, my dearest friend." Yumichika finished keeping it short and sweet. Ikkaku looked annoyed as he shifted Yumichika's body.

"Why? He betrayed ya!" Ikkaku stated as he continued to walk carrying Yumichika in his arms, not even noticing the weight. Ikkaku looked at Yumichika who had a curious expression on his face.

"To be honest I don't who! I just... I just want to believe in him," Yumichika paused and looked at Ikkaku with barely contained sadness. "I need to believe in someone and he's the only person that I have trusted, so far. You'll leave me in the next village and I'll never see you again." Yumichika looked at him sadly and tried to put on a smile which he dropped quickly realizing that Ikkaku had caught the look of sadness and the bruises on his face hurt with every movement.

"That's pathetic ya shouldn't trust anyone and especially someone that left ya for dead! Look at yer self you look like shit!" Ikkaku exclaim making Yumichika whimper in pain as his legs were disturbed if he had been like the man Ikkaku would fall in love with he'd have gotten a black eye and broken nose for his trouble.

"Fuck! I'm sorry!" Yumichika grimaced as he looked at Ikkaku his legs were sending a wave of burning pain through his entire body.

"I-It's okay.. I'm fine." But the truth was he wasn't fine he hurt all over and the movement didn't make things better at all. Ikkaku gently set him down by the road.

"We'll eat something and hopefully the pain well go away after a while." Ikkaku stated going through the pack he got some of the hard biscuits and some nuts that had been in Yumichika's pack. As he handed Yumichika some of it the smaller man looked at his hands and them at Ikkaku.

"I'm sorry for not been much help in anything." Yumichika stated pouting lightly making Ikkaku laugh.

"What the hell ya apologizing for? If I haven't found ya I wouldn't have had anything to eat till I got to the next village." Ikkaku stated looking at Yumichika who smiled softly nibbling on the biscuit.

"I'm still sorry! I don't even know how to repay you for your kindness." After a few words Yumichika's voice became softer and softer. Ikkaku sighed.

"Let's get going. I want to get to that damn village today." Yumichika brows furrowed and he looked sadder them usual. Ikkaku decided to ignore it for now and handed Yumichika the pack to carry while he lifted Yumichika up careful not to hurt him again.

**At the village**

Ikkaku watched as Yumichika was healed up and the make shift braces taken of and replaced with real ones. He watched as the smaller man looked at the healer with a look of slight fear and distaste as he got a full body check up. Ikkaku still didn't understand why Yumichika was so defensive when people saw him naked. '_His cute if I were gay I'd go for a guy like him if he weren't so fucking defensive and he needs to stop taking all this shit from people. If he learned to stand up for himself he'd make an amazing lover. Did I just think that?!_' Ikkaku felt horrified he'd thought something like that but he felt as if he already knew this man as if he had already loved him.

"Is he going to be alright?" Ikkaku asked calmly looking at Yumichika who looked back at him with a look that screamed 'save me'.

"He should be alright," The old man stated looking at Yumichika in very perverted way.

"Would be better of with someone to take care of him properly." The old man continued and Ikkaku felt his eye twitch ever so slightly as he eyed the old man.

"I recommend ya shut up and help Yumichika or else you'll learn what these swords can do!" Ikkaku growled and watched Yumichika's soft gaze turn to him in gratitude. The old man coward slightly and finished healing Yumichika up as Yumichika sat down on the wheel chair he looked at Ikkaku hopefully.

"We'll stay in the inn till yer all healed them if ya like we can travel together I guess." Yumichika smiled with pure joy and reached out to hold Ikkaku's hand gently.

"Thank you!" Yumichika stated as Ikkaku nodded at him he took Yumichika to the inn where they would stay for a month until they began traveling together.


	4. Happiness and suffering

**Chapter title: Happinesss and suffering**

**Word count: 2690**

**Summary: Well here we see some of their past and happiness.**

**Warming: The last part is sad I warm you don't blame me I WARMED YOU!**

**Authors note: Well this was hard to write during a happy time of year and I hope there aren't to many mistakes. Plz enjoy! AND REVIEW.**

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It had been a few months since they had met and started this strange and beautiful friendship. They were traveling down an empty road the snow was falling lightly, making everything seem pure and perfect. Yumichika smiled he had never seen the snow before after all he had spent most of his life in rukongai running and hiding from the bandits and in the southern parts of rukongai. Ikkaku looked back at his new found friend who had stopped to look at the snow for the tenth time that hour. He couldn't help but smile at Yumichika. It was late December, Christmas to be precise but Ikkaku didn't believe in that holiday and neither did Yumichika.

"Oi stop looking at the snow like it was the best thing ever." Ikkaku called back making Yumichika jump and turn to look at his friend in surprise.

"Oh okay." Yumichika said with a smile as he ran to catch up with Ikkaku. As soon as he was one and half steps behind Ikkaku he started walking again.

"Have ya ever been to a hot spring?" Ikkaku asked as he heard the clack from Yumichika's new getas an the dirt road. He wondered not for the first time why the roads were always cleared of snow.

"No I've never been to one." Yumichika mumbled. Ikkaku looked at Yumichika again. He was wearing a thick over coat and the typical flannel kimono under it made of cotton in a baby blue color with flowers of a darker blue. A few more layers under all that, even with all the extra layers, Ikkaku could see Yumichika was trembling.

"Well I bet ya'll enjoy it considering how cold ya are!" Ikkaku started laughing as he saw Yumichika's pout and barely ducked the snowball that would have hit him in the face. He couldn't stop laughing Yumichika shot him a dirty look and they began walking again.

"How much longer 'till we get there?" Yumichika asked. Ikkaku looked thoughtfully at the night sky.

"Just a bit longer. An hour at most." Ikkaku responded and glanced back to find that Yumichika was pouting again. He liked the snow but not the cold that came with it.

**One hour later.**

Yumichika smiled as he looked up at the inn. He was so glad they had money to stay here. As Ikkaku rented the room they would share Yumichika looked around town wondering just where they were and where they were heading. Not that he really cared as long as he was with Ikkaku it didn't matter. The only thing that was bothering him was the fact he kept on having these really weird dreams. He sighed and headed inside to find Ikkaku waiting with the key to their room.

"Alright come on get yer bag. I want to leave them here and we'll head for the hot springs." Ikkaku stated as he shouldered his pack and went ahead leaving Yumichika to run to catch up again with the heavy pack. He sighed in relief as he threw/set the pack down on the ground. He looked up to see Ikkaku taking out two simple white kimonos. Yumichika frown there was no way he was going outside in the cold, take a bath, and wear those two things. He'd freeze to death!

"Don't give me that look. The hot spring is down stairs Yumi." Ikkaku stated and watched a relieved expression appear on Yumichika's face. Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika's arm and dragged him alone.

**Ten minutes later in a private hot spring.**

"It's too hot!!" Yumichika shirked after putting one foot in the water. Yes he was cold but he didn't want to burn himself. Ikkaku rolled his eyes and got into the water.

"Come on Yumi. Ya'll feel better once yer warm." At the word warm Yumichika put his foot back into the water and them the other on the steps. He was so concentrated in getting in the water he didn't notice that Ikkaku had gotten out until, with a yelp of surprise, he was pushed into the water. Ikkaku stood there laughing as Yumichika's head surfaced and Yumichika gave him one of his glares. Which soon disappeared as Yumichika sat on one of the rocks and began to relax. Ikkaku soon joined him and smiled at the slighter man who only had his face out of the water, his hair pooled around him, and his eyes closed a peaceful expression on his face.

"See what I meant?" Ikkaku asked sitting next to Yumichika.

"Yeah." Yumichika said calmly moving slightly away from the other man. No matter how much time he spent with Ikkaku he could never be that close to him. Especially with his experiences with men.

"I ain't gonna hurt ya. Ya know that." Ikkaku stated as soon as he noticed that Yumichika had moved away. Yumichika sighed and nodded.

"I know." Yumichika replied.

**New years eve.**

It was new years eve and they were both still in the inn. The snow had covered the ground and made it impossible to travel or even go outside. So Ikkaku and Yumichika had been locked in the inn for the past few days. Ikkaku sighed in frustration. Not that he didn't want to spend time with Yumichika and continue his training, but this was becoming annoying. He hated the inn and most of the people in it. There was a girl now followed Yumichika everywhere and she had a twin sister who was always depressed. It annoyed him that Yumichika didn't tell her to fuck off already. There were some other kids as well as grown ups. There were only two good things about the stay at the inn they were that the kids were going to set off some fireworks from the roof and he knew Yumichika would enjoy that. The other good thing was he had given Yumichika one of his swords so that the smaller man could defend himself if needed and Yumichika was actually pretty good with it too.

"What's wrong Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked in a tone that Ikkaku recognized as worry.

"Eh nothing at all." Ikkaku replied realizing that he had gotten of task and looked at Yumichika again who watched him calmly. They were sitting in their room, staring at each other, playing a game of hanafuda. Yumichika watched him with a delicate smile.

"Come on Ikkaku you're winning anyways." Yumichika stated with a small pout which made Ikkaku smile even though he wished he was on the road sitting here with Yumichika wasn't so bad after. It was getting close to midnight which was when the fireworks would be set off and he couldn't wait to see Yumichika's smiling face.

As they finished their game and put away the cards they headed to the small balcony in the room with blankets and a warm cup of jasmine tea. They sat there in a comfortable silence and the warmth of companionship that came with it. Yumichika smiled as he looked up at the sky which was a whitish-blue color and noticed the dancing snow giving a show of its own. A beautiful show. He couldn't help but gasp as brilliant lights lit up the sky with vibrant blues and reds and greens. Coloring the snow that had fallen to the ground. He looked up at the sky as more fireworks lit up the sky this time with forms. Yumichika's smile became brighter and as flowers appeared in the sky.

Ikkaku smiled softly as Yumichika got up to look at the fireworks. Yumichika's smile made him feel contempt with his no their lives here. There couldn't be anything better them that beautiful smile and that happiness. Ikkaku couldn't help but think that Yumichika was an adorable, innocent, delicate child. He sighed he wished he could protect Yumichika from the horrors that were out there but he knew that Yumichika would toughen up and lose that innocence that made him so loving. All he wanted was for him to remember that it was okay to be like this, for both of them. Ikkaku sighed he hated thinking so much on all of this shit.

"It's so beautiful! All of it the snow, the fireworks, and the world! I never thought the world could look so delicate when there are so many bad things out there." Yumichika said turning to Ikkaku and them sat back down. Ikkaku sighed. He thought he should know better them to think that Yumichika was an innocent child with all the things that he had suffered.

"It's new years eve Yumichika! It's supposed ta be beautiful. Just like ya." Ikkaku said and watched Yumichika's gaze softened and he smiled fondly at Ikkaku.

"Do you think I'm beautiful?" Yumichika asked curiosity written all over his face. Ikkaku sighed and replied without hesitation.

"Yeah ya are." Ikkaku said and watched Yumichika smiled softly at him.

"Thank you Ikkaku for everything." Yumichika answered. There was no reply, it wasn't necessary.

**Three weeks later.**

They were finally out and about again. They had been on the road for a few days now . They were surrounded by thick forest and all they could hear was the sounds of the animals. Yumichika watched Ikkaku carefully he knew that the man was hurt, not horribly, but noticeably. A cut to his left leg that was all. He hoped and prayed that they didn't run into any enemies or that Ikkaku would let him help if they did. He knew he wouldn't be to much help but he could help just a little bit. As fate would have it no prays are answered in rukongai, ever. Yumichika worried, as the days went by, that the injury would became infected and cause the bald man problems. With a heavy heart Yumichika followed Ikkaku as they set out for the day. As the seconds turned to minutes which turned to hours Yumichika's fear came true as six rough looking men came out of the woods.

Yumichika's face paled as he recognized two of them as the men who had raped him. As he looked at Ikkaku he recognized the look in his eyes and was not surprised with what Ikkaku said next.

"No interfering Yumichika." His heart ached at as he heard the words. Ikkaku had started limping there was no way he could win even with luck on his side. Yumichika nodded sadly and watched as Ikkaku charged at them. Yumichika watched as Ikkaku killed two of the men and as the others injured him time and time again. Ikkaku landed one blow the others landed two. Yumichika felt his hopes fade and found himself reaching for his own katana he ached to help Ikkaku, to fight next to Ikkaku. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as Ikkaku fell to the ground he couldn't stop what happened next. He ran forward not caring about his own safety and blocked the blow that would have cut Ikkaku's head off. He almost fell to his knees as the mans weight crashed onto his blade. He pushed the enemy away from Ikkaku. He heard the rustling of clothes and heard screams as Ikkaku killed the other men off. He felt Ikkaku's hand on his shoulder as he was pushed out of the way and Ikkaku killed the enemy Yumichika had been facing. Ikkaku them turned to Yumichika rage in his eyes

"What part of don't interfere didn't ya understand?!" Ikkaku growled. He was livid, he thought Yumichika had no right to stand by him, he had no right to fight in his presence, and no right to get involved in his fights. He glared at Yumichika who only swallowed and turned his gaze away from Ikkaku he couldn't stand that look. He wanted Ikkaku to look at him with care not with anger. That look was to familiar to the ones he'd gotten so often before. It was true he had seen worse from Ikkaku but never directed at him. Ikkaku walk toward him and Yumichika could only stare at the ground. He felt a hand connect with his right cheek and fell twisting his ankle. He looked up at Ikkaku there was no remorse in his eyes. Yumichika got back up and looked at Ikkaku. Yumichika's eyes were filled with fear and sadness but Ikkaku ignored it all except the fire of his anger telling him to hurt Yumichika.

"When I talk ta ya, ya look at me." Ikkaku said as he punched Yumichika in the stomach. He watched as Yumichika gasped and blood came out of his mouth. Yumichika fell to the ground crumpled and broken once more. He looked up at Ikkaku tears running down his face but, through that if Ikkaku had paid attention, there was so much regret, and just a little bit of love in that gaze begging for forgiveness, for love, and for the pain to stop.

"I-I'm sorry Ikkaku. You can do whatever you want to me I wont try to stop you. J-just please...... I'm begging you.... let me stay by your side. Don't abandon me like everyone else!" Yumichika cried out and took his katana and threw it to the side as if to tell Ikkaku that he wouldn't try to defend himself. He watched shock entered Ikkaku's eyes, but the blows didn't stop they kept coming. Yumichika tried not to cry out even though his heart was crying out in agony and his body was screaming in pain, he knew nothing was broken except his heart. His ankle was twisted but that was it nothing more. As Ikkaku stopped and looked at Yumichika for the first time without anger clouding his judgment. He registered that Yumichika was crying but he wouldn't sob or scream at the pain, blood ran down his chin from where he had bitten his lower lip to keep the screams back, bruises were forming everywhere, and Yumichika had curled into a tight ball to try and lessen the pain. Ikkaku felt slightly regretful for hurting him but his anger had gotten the best of him it was still present. All he could see now was the Yumichika he had met broken and he realized that this wasn't anything new to the small man curled in on himself. _'I'm no better them the men that raped him.' _Ikkaku thought as he grabbed his pack and walked away, well more like hobbled through his own injuries.

He was shocked when he heard the sound of geta clacking on the ground at a slow passe, following many steps behind. He turned to look and found Yumichika, his head hanging low, limping, trying to follow him. Ikkaku felt his throat close at the sight. He felt like trash as he saw the slighter man struggle, so much, to follow him. He was still crying and he was dragging the pack behind him. His katana was been dragged behind as well. Ikkaku stopped and watched Yumichika stopped as well. Yumichika took the opportunity to put the katana through his obi and watch Ikkaku with fear. Ikkaku felt worse he realized that his pack had all the food and money. _'Yumichika why are you following me? You should run away. You'd be safer anywhere but here.'_ He thought miserably as he continued. He never stopped hearing the clack clack of the wooden geta or the soft hisses of pain that escaped Yumichika every now and them. He went on for hours and hours until the sound of geta disappeared and there was nothing at all only a silence. He turned to find that Yumichika had collapsed. _'Shit what should I do?' _He thought and waited to see if Yumichika would get up, but he didn't. Ikkaku walked over to where he was. As he knelt in front of him and he watched Yumichika's eyes opened and looked at him sadly, desperately.

"You came back for me. Thank you Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered as he lost consciousness.

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** I am so sorry for the cliff hanger and REVIEW!!**


	5. A pure heart full of kindness!

**Chapter title: A pure heart full of kindness!**

**Word count: 3256**

**Summary: This is where Yumichika almost kills himself and how Ikkaku got forgiven.**

**Warming: Sadness and I guess shounen ai thats all.**

**Authors note: Well this took way to long to write because of school!! I like this chapter because its sad and happy at the end. I hope you atleast enjoy it. I'm sorry for any grammer mistakes I made!! Special thanks to Koitoy, funny suff, and ObsidianBttrfly! REVIEW!! PLZ I NEED REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!! **

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_'There is always a small crack in the mask that one wears to hide all our fears, hate, desires, regrets, etc. Once that small piece of the mask falls what do we see I wonder, do we see the real person, or just another mask. A shell perhaps of what that person truly feels. If not what if that person we see is the real one should we be afraid? Should we fear them if its anger that we see when that mask breaks? I don't think. I don't think that we see the real person there are many things under the personality that one decides to show others, but what if I'm wrong and that anger and hatred was the real Ikkaku? What if he truly hates me? Could I be wrong to think this or am I right to fear him, to show him that fear?' _

He couldn't stand it anymore every time that he closed his eyes he saw Yumichika's face, eyes filled with sadness, fear, regret, and pain. He turned to the cause of these thoughts who, sat on the floor hugging his knees to his chest, staring out the window with eyes full of loneliness. It made him wonder if it would have been better to tell Yumichika to stay away. Ever since they had gotten to the village Yumichika had changed he wouldn't talk unless spoken to and even then he sometimes wouldn't answer at all. He knew that he deserved it! What had he been thinking beating Yumichika like that?! He looked over at Yumichika's pale face as if it hadn't been bad enough the man had followed him with a poison in his system which had been eating away at his body. He sighed now he looked away from Yumichika who had opened up to him, allowed him into his heart, and now wouldn't so much as say anything other them hello, thank you, and the most common thing he said now, out of all was, I'm sorry. It hurt him. For reasons he didn't understand seeing Yumichika like that was painful and saddening. Yumichika had wanted to stay with him but now he was to terrified to even ask for anything to eat. Ikkaku continued to stare at Yumichika he had lost weight and the bruises hadn't healed yet. Yumichika seemed to be barely hanging on to his life.

Ikkaku couldn't even go near him now! All it would do was cause Yumichika to bow and apologize with fear and sadness in his eyes or sometimes he'd just coward and cry in a corner like a small child. He couldn't help but hate himself for all the pain Yumichika was going through he wouldn't move from that spot! He looked out the window and seemed to relive all of his hard times in a flash over and over in his mind. By the time Ikkaku went to bed, for Yumichika was to afraid to sleep while Ikkaku was awake, Yumichika would have been crying for hours. As Ikkaku thought about it everything had changed he'd wake up to find Yumichika already at the window dressed and trembling with cold that he refused to complain about. Ikkaku would drape a blanket around the small body only to receive a small thank you in a voice filled with fear and panic. It's not like he expected things to go back to how they had been, but these was a side of Yumichika he had ever wanted to see again.

_'I hurt him worse then I thought! It's not the physical pain it's the fact that his used to the beatings. I bet he thought he was back to that place where he was raped and beaten, and I was the one that was doing the beating this time. I don't know what to do at the rate things are going his going to die. Those he think I'll beat him every time something goes wrong... every time he asks for something?' _Ikkaku thought as Yumichika turned and looked at him. It hurt so much, Yumichika smiled at him softly with tears in his eyes. Yumichika was still worrying about him! Still caring!

"I-is something... wrong Ikkaku. Did... I upset you?" Yumichika asked him and Ikkaku felt like dying. Yumichika didn't seem to care about himself. He was barely eating and if he did it'd be one or two bites, the poison had weaken him and the beating had just made it worse.

"It's nothing." He replied gruffer then he had intended to do and watched sadness entered Yumichika's beautiful lavender eyes. He got up and walked over to Yumichika he couldn't stand that look of sadness, but what he couldn't stand the most, was the kindness Yumichika still showed him. He would bring Ikkaku food, wash his clothes, and make sure Ikkaku had everything he needed. While Yumichika let himself rot away from the inside out.

"Do you hate Yumi?" Ikkaku asked gently reaching for Yumichika's small hand. He received no answer.

"I'm sorry. I know that I should have never hurt you." Yumichika looked at him with tears running down his face.

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you, and I don't want you to apologize. I forgave you that very moment." Yumichika told him with a soft smile. Ikkaku felt his throat tightening for he realized it was fake Yumichika was in pain, pain that he couldn't stop, and the worst thing was he had caused it. Still Yumichika forgave him and tried to smile for him. _'Why?' _He wondered when had he gotten lucky enough to have a friend like Yumichika. He let go of Yumichika's hand watched as said man brought it to his face. Yumichika stared at his hand and smiled. Yumichika was trying to be happy even when he was in so much pain.

_'Is one act of violence enough to destroy many acts of kindness? Can a single touch heal all the pain in my heart? I wonder if maybe I should just ask Ikkaku what he wants me to do?'_

*******FLASHBACK*******

"You came back for me. Thank you Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered as he lost consciousness. Ikkaku stared down at Yumichika he couldn't believe those words had just escaped Yumichika mouth. He watched Yumichika laid there on the ground as snow began to fall Ikkaku gently turned Yumichika onto his back. He silently cursed himself as he opened Yumichika's kimono only to find his entire torso covered in black bruises and a cut that ran from Yumichika's should to his hip it wasn't deep but the skin around it had turned purple. He stared at Yumichika again and noticed that Yumichika had a small smile on his lips.

"He poisoned ya and I bet ya already noticed didn't ya? Why didn't ya tell me?" Ikkaku growled there was no way that he could get the poison out of his system now it was to late but he would try as he looked at the rest of Yumichika's body he found another cut on his leg and noticed that his ankle was swollen. That would explain the limping and hisses of pain. Ikkaku gently wrapped bandages around the cuts and around the ankle. He lifted Yumichika's pack and Yumichika up and ran as fast as he could to the village. As he arrived there he found the healer and watched as she worked on Yumichika with a gentle touch.

"You'll have to apply this balm on all those bruises and he most drink one of these pills every morning." She said quietly. She turned to Ikkaku and handed him the balm and a bottle filled with pills.

"So he'll be okay?" Ikkaku asked as he looked at the retreating form of the healer.

"Physically yes but emotionally or mentally that's up to him and how he recovers. I only hope that he never sees who ever did that to him.. I doubt he'd be able to stand it. For now you should both just take it easy." She replied as she left the small hut. Ikkaku lifted Yumichika up and headed out to find an inn. He found one, rented a room, and laid Yumichika down on one of the futons. He stared at Yumichika's pale face. He stayed by Yumichika's side and did as the healer had told him until Yumichika woke up. Ikkaku ran to his side and smiled down at Yumichika.

"How are ya feeling?" He asked Yumichika who looked at him with fear and pulled away until he was in one of the corners holding his hands over his face. Ikkaku looked at him and felt pity for Yumichika. He walked closer to hear Yumichika sobbing softly and it made him hate himself, Yumichika feared him, that was now a fact. Yumichika looked at Ikkaku once and turned away as if expecting to get beaten again.

"Yumichika ya have to drink this to recover from the poison and I have to put this balm on ya too." Ikkaku stated looking down at Yumichika who nodded and began to undress with trembling hands. Ikkaku began to rub the balm on the bruises and watched as Yumichika trembled every time Ikkaku touched him and winced but didn't make any comments. As he finished and gave Yumichika the pill with a glass of water. He turned away to get Yumichika's clean clothes. As he handed them to Yumichika who got dressed head always bowed never once looking at Ikkaku only one glance and that was it. Ikkaku realized that that was Yumichika's way of showing his fear. Ikkaku thought about yelling at him for being so damn weak but as soon as he talked just a little louder them normal Yumichika would start apologizing as if everything had been his fault.

*******PRESENT*******

"Damn it all! I'm gonna go get some food! Your sword is on the bed in case you need it. Okay?" He didn't ask Yumichika to come or what he wanted as he walked away he could have sworn he heard Yumichika's stomach growl. Yumichika ignored his stomach and looked out the window waiting for that familiar figure to go out. As he noticed Ikkaku he felt tears form in his eyes. Ikkaku had one of their packs with him. _'His not coming back! I'll be all alone again.' _Yumichika thought and began to cry. That's when he remembered his katana lay on the ground. His stomach growled but he had learned to ignore it as he got up and laid down on the futon he picked up the sword and looked at it. _'I've tried this before, but someone always stops me. I wonder if Ikkaku well miss me if I kill myself?' _Yumichika thought as he got up to find some paper a small voice in the back of his head that he would learn to recognize and hate replied with a simple no. Yumichika gently picked up a sheet of paper and his brush. He looked at the paper and wondered what to write. The note once complete went something like this:

_Dear Ikkaku: _

_I'm so sorry for being a burden to you and I'm glad I got to know you (even if it was just a little while!). I can't take it anymore, I hate the fact that I fear you, the thing I hate the most is that you hate me, and I'm sorry. It's nothing to do with you (not that you'd care if it was because of you or even care about me) but I feel that I'm not needed anymore and whats a person without a purpose. You've made me so happy all these months I spent with you, they're the happiest months I've ever had, and they're enough because they were real. You're my only friend and that's why I need to tell you this even if its only written. I hope that you have a wonderful life and that you're happy! I'm sorry that I have upset you so much these last few days. Goodbye Ikkaku and I wish you luck with everything you do in the future._

_Your friend now and always,_

_Yumichika Ayasegawa._

Yumichika stared at the note and smiled sadly. With that he grabbed his sword and went to his pack grabbed some of the money that was in there and left. As he walked tears ran down his face and he wondered if Ikkaku would notice he was gone. He got some food while in the village and continued walking. He sighed and noticed that he had left the village and was entering a wooded area. As he got to one of the tallest trees he'd ever seem he sat down in front of it and leaned back until his head rested on the trunk. He ate and cried as silently as he could staring at the road he'd come from. Once he finished he stared at the sky and thought _'When the sun sets I'll end it all.' _He closed his eyes and couldn't help but wonder what Ikkaku was doing.

*******WITH IKKAKU*******

He sighed. He was depressed. He didn't know what to do but when he thought about it maybe leaving like that wasn't the best of ideas. He cursed and packed the med kit he'd just bought into the pack and went around from store to store getting fresh supplies. As the day went by he began to feel hungry. As soon as he entered the restaurant he remembered that when he'd left he could have sworn he heard Yumichika's stomach growl. He cursed himself and turned to go back to the inn. As he opened the door to their room he realized that Yumichika was no where to be seem. His pack remained on the floor but his katana was gone.

"Oi, Yumichika ya here?" He called out and went over to the window where Yumichika usually sat and found a note with his name on it. As he read it his eyes widened and he looked around frantically for Yumichika. He ran out of there as fast as he could and noticed that the sun was setting. He ran toward the exit of the village until he was surrounded by trees. He slowed down and noticed on the ground was a small body in a pool of blood. He gasp and rushed to Yumichika's side. The first thing he noticed was the sad smile on his face and the second was that he had cut his own wrists. _'Shit' _He cursed himself for not noticing that Yumichika was going to kill himself as he got closer he notice the slight rise and fall of Yumichika's chest. He knelt down next to Yumichika and lifted him into his arms. He checked for a pulse and found a very weak one.

" Yumi please open yer eyes now!" He whispered. He need to know that Yumichika was alive. He shuck Yumichika gently until he saw lavender eyes flutter open and look at him with a sad smile.

"Hey Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku sighed and got up carrying Yumichika bride-style back to the village.

"It'll be okay. Ya'll be fine I promise ya wont die." He was getting blood all over himself but he didn't care all that cared about was saving Yumichika. As he ran into the healers little hut. She turned to him slightly surprised but went over to them quickly.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

"What the hell were ya thinking?!" Ikkaku yelled at Yumichika only to see said man get up and go back to sitting in front of the window. Yumichika's eyes looked down to his bandaged wrists in annoyance.

"ANSWER ME YUMICHIKA!" Ikkaku screamed in anger and watched Yumichika wince. He sighed all he wanted to tell Yumichika was that he had been worried and was sorry but all he got across was anger. Ikkaku watched as Yumichika's head fell onto his small hands and he whispered something that Ikkaku couldn't catch.

"What was that Yumichika?" Ikkaku growled walking closer to Yumichika.

"Please don't yell anymore. I can't take it! I don't want to be yelled at anymore! I don't want to be hated anymore." Yumichika whispered looking at Ikkaku with empty eyes.

"Ya think I care what ya want!" A hurt expression was all he got in response at first.

"Please don't hate me for doing this.. I didn't know what else to do. All I've learned in all the time I've spent here is that everyone hates me. You already hate me. I-I'm sorry for staying once I can move I'll leave and you can go back to traveling alone... thank you for giving me such wonderful memories and I'm sorry I was such a bother." Yumichika mumbled through sobs.

"I didn't mean it Yumichika." Ikkaku whispered as he looked at Yumichika who had something new to think about.

_'So what if we see the ugly side of people there might also be a kind side somewhere.'_

He felt Ikkaku's arms wrap around his small shoulders as his tears kept falling. He held onto Ikkaku trying to stop but he was glad that Ikkaku had saved him, and glad that Ikkaku was trying to comfort him. He was so glad that he'd get another chance to be better, to help Ikkaku, and to trust someone else with his life. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Ikkaku let go and went to get out the futons. Secretly he put four extra blankets on Yumichika's futon on top of the usual three so that he wouldn't catch a cold on top of everything else. Ikkaku laid down knowing Yumichika wouldn't go to bed with him awake. Yumichika walked to his futon looked at the extra blankets and couldn't help but smile. He whispered a soft thank you and went to bed.

Yumichika awoke in the middle of the night to hear the clattering of teeth and turned to see Ikkaku was trembling with cold. Yumichika felt bad for him and got up taking all his blankets with him and laying them down on Ikkaku.

"Did I wake ya? Sorry. Wait what the hell are ya doing? Ya'll freeze to death!" Ikkaku exclaimed when he noticed the additional weight on top of his body.

"No I wont Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered sleepily which to Ikkaku sounded adorable. That's when he noticed an extra pillow on the futon and felt the chill of the night enter his warm blankets only to feel the warmth of another body next to his. He turned to find lavender eyes looking a his and couldn't help but wonder if Yumichika was blushing about this situation. Ikkaku gently wrapped an arm around Yumichika's small shoulders and pulled him slightly closer.

"Is this okay Ikkaku?" Yumichika whispered cuddling into Ikkaku's chest. Ikkaku felt himself blush at how close they were.

"It's fine. I'm sorry." Ikkaku whispered already half asleep. He felt Yumichika smile.

"I already told you... You're forgiven Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered with a yawn as he began to fall into a peaceful sleep within Ikkaku's embrace with a single thought.

_'Maybe just maybe this is all I need to be happy! This man and his warmth is all I need to learn to be happy." _Yumichika fell asleep a beautiful smile gracing his pale face.

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**That was fun to write hope you all liked it and PLZ REVIEW!! THE MORE REVIEWS I GET THE FASTER I UPDATE!!**


	6. The first kill

**Chapter title: The first kill**

**Word count: 4419**

**Summary: Yumichika's first kill and the guilt that comes with it.**

**Warming: OOC and shounen ai. Bad grammer.**

**Authors note: I am so very sorry for not updating sonner but i have been really busy. This isn't sad SHOCKING!! It's kinda happy cuz I wrote this after I wrote the new chapter for Guess love can die and I was to sad to write for sad things. ENJOY AND REVIEW!!**

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Yumichika trembled as the cold hit the back of his neck and moved closer to the warmth next to him cuddling into Ikkaku's chest for warmth and protection. Yumichika smiled in his sleep mumbling something that couldn't be understood. Ikkaku smiled warmly at the sleeping form in his arms pulling him closer he felt Yumichika tense. As Yumichika opened his eyes and instantly struggled pulling away from the man holding him and feeling embarrassed almost instantly when he realized it was Ikkaku. Yumichika had thought it was one of the perverts, from that damned place, that had been holding him but as he felt Ikkaku's hand on his shoulder it reassured him that he was in the inn and that it was all real that he had escaped from that place months ago. That Ikkaku had been the one holding him.

"Are ya okay?" Ikkaku asked looking at Yumichika closely and noticed that when he had first woken up his eyes had still been closed as if he were asleep.

"Huh.. oh yeah I'm okay. I'm sorry did I wake you up??" Yumichika asked looking at Ikkaku with a small smile. Yumichika yawned and with a curled fist tried to wipe the sleep of his face.

"No. Go back to sleep its still early." Ikkaku grumbled and turned his back on the other man who only smiled and laid back down.

"What time is it Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked not really wanting to go back to sleep in case he had a dream of that place or worse.

"Don't know." Ikkaku replied indulging Yumichika with an answer to a question he didn't care about.

"Is something wrong?" Yumichika asked with a look of pure confusion on his face.

"Don't you fucking start that again!" Ikkaku all but yelled. Yumichika couldn't help but laugh he had no idea what Ikkaku was talking about so he began to think about everything that had happened. After a few minutes it finally hit him and all he could do was laugh some more.

"What worrying about you? That's my job as your companion and friend. After all you worry about me!!" Yumichika said with one of his pure happy smiles, which gave him the appearance of on angel, with his long blackish-violet hair which was untied, and those beautiful lavender orbs, with the radiant smile to complete it all.

"You're beautiful Yumi. I hope ya know that." Ikkaku grumbled as he looked at Yumichika. Watching Yumichika smile made his heart flutter and knowing that that smile was for him made it all more precious.

"Thank you!" Yumichika exclaimed pulling the covers over his head in on attempt to stay warm and hide his blush. Ikkaku chuckled and re-wrapped his arms around the slender frame. They soon fell into a light sleep that was interrupted by the light of the early dawn hitting Ikkaku straight on his bald head which reflected the light into Yumichika's eyes waking Yumichika up. Yumichika looked up, pouting, and hid under the covers once more.

"Yumichika time to get up." Ikkaku said only to get ignored by the sleeping beauty.

"Get your lazy ass up now!" Ikkaku growled only to get a pout from Yumichika as he dragged himself out of bed.

"Why do I have to get up?!" Yumichika complained still half asleep.

"We're leaving today since it stopped snowing so stop complaining." Yumichika stuck his tongue out at Ikkaku as he got his stuff together and began packing everything away. As he moved around the room his stomach growled and Yumichika blushed a deep shade of red.

"Ya know, ya could have told me ya were hungry." Ikkaku said walking over to the door.

"Come on lets go get something to eat before ya starve to death." Yumichika ran up to Ikkaku and danced out the door. As they got outside and headed down the road to find something to eat Ikkaku noticed that they were getting some very strange looks. Ikkaku figured they were staring at Yumichika and noticed it was making Yumichika very nervous. To Yumichika it felt as if most of the men were undressing him with their gaze. Ikkaku slowed down so that he was walking next to Yumichika who was biting on the tip of his thumb nervously.

"Ikkaku I don't like how they're looking at me." Yumichika mumbled. Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika's delicate hand and gave it a light squeeze before whispering.

"I'm not gonna let anyone hurt ya ever again!" Yumichika smiled nervously and when Ikkaku went to pull his hand away Yumichika tighten the hold on Ikkaku's hand. Ikkaku noticed for the first time that the small delicate hand was trembling. _'Damn them all!! Why are they looking at Yumichika as if he were some fresh piece of meat?!' _Ikkaku thought as he noticed that a small group had formed at the end of the street.

"Ikkaku... can we go back to the inn? I'm not hungry anymore." Yumichika asked his voice a weak mummer.

"Yeah." Ikkaku lead Yumichika back to the inn where they asked for breakfast to be brought to their room. Yumichika sat down on his bed and put his head on his hands. Ikkaku walked over and sat down next to him wrapping one arm around Yumichika's shoulders he pulled him closer.

"Why me?" Yumichika asked as he leaned into the embrace.

"I don't know pretty-boy." Ikkaku whispered. He heard Yumichika laugh bitterly.

"Ikkaku are you really going to protect me?" Yumichika whispered burying his face in Ikkaku's side. He didn't understand why but when Ikkaku held him he felt safe.

"Yeah I will! I didn't save ya so that you'd get beaten, raped, or killed!" Ikkaku growled holding his friend close.

"Why?" Yumichika asked. _'Why would anyone protect me?' _Yumichika thought bitterly. Ikkaku looked at Yumichika and didn't answer in truth he had no idea why he cared. Maybe because of the fact that Yumichika had suffered or perhaps it was because Yumichika seemed to care about him and not judge him.

"I'm not sure." Ikkaku stated looking out the window.

"Ikkaku are we leaving today?" Yumichika asked his eyes filled with fear.

"Yeah we are unless ya want to stay here and let me kill them all." Ikkaku growled grabbing his backpack and watched Yumichika sit there looking at him like a lost puppy. With a sigh Yumichika grabbed his backpack and followed Ikkaku out the door.

It had been a few hours since they left, but the light from the sun was fading. Yumichika refused to let go of Ikkaku's hand which was now intertwined with his own. Yumichika was still nervous about the men that he'd seen at the village and wouldn't let Ikkaku a step ahead of him when they weren't holding hands. Ikkaku could almost laugh at how cute Yumichika was acting and trusting after what he'd done. He only stopped himself because he knew what Yumichika was afraid of, to be captured, beaten, and raped again. So he allowed Yumichika to hold his hand and lean against his shoulder every once in a while when he got tried.

"Yumi are you okay?" Ikkaku asked as he noticed that Yumichika was slowing down and starting to get behind the pace he'd set.

"Just a little tried Ikka. That's all." Yumichika mumbled leaning his head on Ikkaku's shoulder.

"Ikka?" Ikkaku asked looking at Yumichika, who lifted his head to look at him and smiled.

"What! You call me Yumi so I get to call you Ikka! It's only fair!" Yumichika said with a smile. Ikkaku just shuck his head and started tickling Yumichika until he fell to the ground laughing.

"Tell me whats wrong Yumichika." Ikkaku said in a very serious tone. Yumichika pouted before replying.

"I'm scared Ikkaku. I haven't felt so safe yet so terrified in my live." Yumichika whispered. Looking at his hands and shacking his head. He remained sitting even after Ikkaku got up. He waited for Ikkaku to say something.

"Ya shouldn't be. Don't ya trust me? I said I'd keep yer skinny ass save from anyone that would try to harm ya!" Ikkaku grumbled. Yumichika looked at him with a confused expression and them smiled as Ikkaku grabbed his hand and pulled him up into a standing position. Them he pulled him out of the road and into the woods where they'd make a camp. Yumichika smiled when they came to a clearing that wasn't covered in snow or ice.

"How did you know this was here Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked looking around. It was prefect, the trees made it impossible for snow to blow into the little clearing, and the tree tops had stopped most of the snow from even making it to the ground. Yumichika smiled, he recognized the trees as Sawtooth oaks. He smiled happily as Ikkaku went around grabbing dead branches and sticks to use to make a fire when night completely fell.

"While I went to get our stuff for our backpacks I made sure to look around for a clearing and while talking with some people I heard rumors about this place. There is a small cave behind the trees to yer left. They say this place is haunted so I can a checked it out." Ikkaku replied as he began to make a circle with stones and Yumichika went into the cave to get their sleeping bags ready. As they finished their meals Yumichika went into the cave and laid down. He waited while Ikkaku put everything away. As Ikkaku finished and laid down on the sleeping bag next to him, Yumichika turned around to look at Ikkaku in the dying light of the sun. Ikkaku stared at Yumichika's face and noticed that his nose was red from the cold. Ikkaku laughed and reached out to move a strand of Yumichika's hair out of his eyes. Yumichika smiled, his cheeks were flushed from the cold. Ikkaku got up and moved his sleeping bag closer to Yumichika's putting both their swords above the sleeping bags deeper into the cave. As he laid down he grabbed Yumichika's blanket and pulled it off, putting it on top of his own he laid back down, and pulled Yumichika under the blankets and closer to himself.

"There! Now neither one of us well freeze to death." Ikkaku grumbled. As he felt Yumichika trembling against him.

"Ikkaku I think we'll need to stop soon if it gets any colder we'll get sick or freeze to death. We should stay in the next village till winter ends." Yumichika mumbled cuddling against Ikkaku as he fell asleep.

**NEXT MORNING**

Yumichika awoke curled up next to Ikkaku who was snoring loudly. He smiled until Ikkaku grabbed him in a bear hug which made every bruise on his body scream. He let out a soft groan of pain and felt Ikkaku loosen his hold and lift him gently.

"Ya okay?" Yumichika nodded as he looked at Ikkaku.

"I think someone is near us though." Yumichika whispered.

"Where? Are you sure?" Yumichika looked up brows furrowed as he tried to listen. Over the years of running and hiding he'd developed on acute sense of hearing. He had been sure he'd heard the snap of a twig somewhere outside the cave. Yumichika nodded he'd heard it again. Ikkaku reached for their swords and handed one to Yumichika who took it and put it on his lap.

"Don't get far away from me, if your attacked scream, Yumichika don't freeze up from fear or panic, they're your enemy, and if you most kill them, then kill them all." Ikkaku saw the uncertainty in Yumichika's eyes and Yumichika shook his head.

"I'm not a killer Ikkaku." He whispered and felt Ikkaku's hand under his chin forcing him to look into Ikkaku's eyes.

"You'll have to fight Yumichika! If I die you have to take care of yourself. Promise me you'll be able to fight even if I'm not here. Promise me ya wont let anyone else hurt ya." Ikkaku whispered and kissed Yumichika's forehead.

"Ikkaku-"

"Don't argue with me." Ikkaku stated watching Yumichika nod they both got up, walking slowly out of the cave, Ikkaku stood in front of Yumichika in a very protective gesture as ten men came out of the woods. He heard Yumichika's breathing become erratic in panic.

"Who are ya?" Ikkaku asked as they each came forward. Hearing his voice Yumichika looked around he could tell that the men were just tugs none of them familiar he thanked every god he could name for that.

"None of your concern. We just want that man behind ya!" The one that seemed to be their leader said, a big man with a scar under his left eye, and Yumichika watched as one of them attacked Ikkaku only to get cut down. Yumichika unsheathed his sword and waited. As Yumichika watched Ikkaku fight and kill a few of his opponents he remembered that Ikkaku hadn't said he couldn't intervene. As five of the men surrounded Ikkaku. Yumichika felt his heart stop as he watched three fall but the one behind Ikkaku, their leader, was about cut of Ikkaku's head. Yumichika felt his heart stop as everything moved in slow motion, he could hear his heart pounding in his ears, and he couldn't think or breath. Yumichika, in blind panic, ran forward, and stabbed the man in the back he could feel the flesh give out under his blade and hear the man scream as he continued to stab him again and again and again until he lost track of how many times he stabbed. He felt blood on his face, chest, and hands. As Ikkaku finished the rest of their enemies off Yumichika stared at the man he'd killed dropping his blade. He turned to Ikkaku feeling light headed and as he looked at Ikkaku he felt tears well up in his eyes. As the smell of blood hit Yumichika and he saw all the other bodies surrounded by blood vile rose in his mouth. He fell to his knees and threw up. He felt Ikkaku pull his hair out of the way. All he could see was the mans face in pure shock and pain.

"I-I didn't mean to... but h-he was g-going to k-kill you... I had to do something..." Yumichika mumbled as he looked at Ikkaku and grabbed to fistfuls of his hair. He gave them a hard tug.

"Yumichika I'm sorry if I had paid better attention ya wouldn't have had to do something like that." Ikkaku whispered and handed a water bottle to Yumichika who held it in trembling hands. Yumichika drank all the water and looked at Ikkaku.

"Thanks Yumi ya saved my life." Yumichika nodded as he looked at the bodies. Ikkaku grabbed him, pulling Yumichika close making sure to turn him away from the bodies, he sat down, and held Yumichika as he cried, until he fell asleep in Ikkaku's arms. Ikkaku first check for any signs of injury on Yumichika, them he got up picking Yumichika up, and headed over to a tree where the sun hit the ground through the trees. He sat down with Yumichika leaning against his shoulder. He sighed, he hadn't meant to get caught in a fight, or to force Yumichika to kill someone so soon. As a few hours passed he felt Yumichika move and soon he was staring down into lavender eyes. Yumichika looked tried, his eyes were red from crying, and his hair was a mess.

"Come on we're going to the next village and waiting there till winter is through." Ikkaku stated standing up and helping Yumichika up. As Yumichika got their things he searched the bodies for money and was lucky to find three bags filled with money considering they were in a rather poor district it was his lucky day.

**AT THE VILLAGE (INN) **

They had made it to the village without trouble but Yumichika was filled with guilty about killing. Ikkaku stared at Yumichika, who was looking out the window in a very depressed matter. When he heard another sigh come from Yumichika's mouth he walked over to the slighter man and sat down next to him.

"Yumichika are ya going to stare out the fucking window all day?" Ikkaku growled. Yumichika mentally smiled it was Ikkaku's way of saying I'm worried about you.

"I'm thinking." Yumichika replied reaching for his brush with no real intentions of brushing his long hair right now. Ikkaku took the brush and turned Yumichika around so that his back faced him. He began to gently brush through the slightly knotted hair.

"About?" Ikkaku asked. As he continued to brush the purple-black locks. He felt Yumichika lean against the touch before replying.

"That man. The one I killed." Yumichika stated causing Ikkaku to pause and glare at Yumichika's back. After a few seconds he picked up the motion of brushing Yumichika's hair again.

"Ya need to get over that now!" Ikkaku growled as he gave a tug to one of Yumichika's locks. Yumichika winced before continuing.

"I was thinking about the people he might have left behind. Maybe a daughter or son or a sister or brother, or a lover, maybe even someone like me, that was saved by that man. What well become of them now? How well they survive knowing that they can't see their loved one again?" Yumichika mumbled Ikkaku put the brush down and forced Yumichika to turn around and look at him.

"It doesn't matter Yumichika ya did what ya thought was right! Correct?" Ikkaku asked and Yumichika nodded.

"Them stop worrying about it! You had to kill him or else he would have killed me and taken you away to who knows where." Ikkaku stated as lavender eyes looked into his intently.

"Are you okay with what I did? I mean killing him in such an ugly fashion." Yumichika asked making Ikkaku chuckle.

"I think ya need to stop worrying, because I don't care what ya do." Ikkaku stated and Yumichika pouted.

"So you don't care about me?" Yumichika pouted and started laughing when Ikkaku glared at him.

"How the hell did ya draw that conclusion?" Ikkaku grumbled knowing Yumichika just need something to laugh about.

"I was joking." Yumichika said once he stopped laughing. Only start again when Ikkaku started tickling him. Until they were both laughing as they fell on the ground. Ikkaku soon got up and went to the door.

"I'm going out for a little while." Ikkaku said as he left. Yumichika just sat there regret and guilt building deep in his heart. He didn't mean to kill anyone, but he hadn't wanted to lose Ikkaku either. After all Ikkaku had protected him so it'd seem like what he had to do. He'd felt like he'd had no choice. With another sigh he looked out the window again.

Ikkaku headed down the street looking for something that might help cheer Yumichika up, but he was having no luck at all. As he looked around some of the venders he noticed a comb set. It had three combs, in total, one of them had mother of pearl designed into a small flower on the center, the other had a crescent moon on it, and the last one was painted with beautiful flowers. He shrugged as he walked over and bought the set. As he headed for the inn he noticed that Yumichika was waiting for him outside. As Yumichika caught sight of him he smiled. Ikkaku couldn't help but smile back as Yumichika got up and walked over to him.

"What were you doing?" Yumichika asked as he looked at the bag in Ikkaku's hand. Yumichika looked at it curiously but when he reached for it Ikkaku pulled it away.

"Whats wrong?" Yumichika asked pouting as he tried to get the bag again.

"Come on." Ikkaku said as he walked into the inn, to their room, and sat on the bed. Yumichika went straight for his window and sat down to stare out of it.

"Come here Yumi." Ikkaku watched Yumichika looked at him and shook his head in response turning his gaze back to the outside. Ikkaku got up, grabbed the small bag, and went to where Yumichika sat. Grabbing Yumichika's small hands he placed the bag on them.

"Here." Ikkaku said as Yumichika looked at it in confusion.

"What for?" Yumichika asked looking at it and itching to tear the small bag apart.

"I'm sorry. That I couldn't protect ya but its time ya stopped staring out the window." Ikkaku growled as he got up turned his back on Yumichika and laid down on the futon he heard Yumichika gasp.

"Ikkaku why?" Yumichika asked as he caress each comb.

"Shut up and be happy about it." Ikkaku grumbled to cover up his embarrassment as he turned away only to have Yumichika pounce on him.

"Shit." Ikkaku grumbled when Yumichika landed on him.

"I don't weigh that much!!" Yumichika squealed at Ikkaku's comment. As Yumichika pouted at him, all Ikkaku could do was laugh, as Yumichika lay down next to him.

"Thank you Ikkaku! I love them!" Yumichika said as he laid down to take a nap.

"I'm glad." Ikkaku said as he felt Yumichika cuddle against him sound asleep. Ikkaku ran his hand through Yumichika's hair making Yumichika sigh and lean closer to him. As an hour went by of just laying there with Yumichika he felt Yumichika struggle against him. Ikkaku sat up looking down at Yumichika he noticed his eyebrows were furrowed, his hair was matted with sweat, and he kept trashing. Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika and lifted him up holding him tightly as he struggled. He called out Yumichika's name time and time again trying to wake him up. As he looked at Yumichika's face he noticed his brows remained furrowed but his mouth was open as if pleading for something and tears ran down his face.

"YUMICHIKA!" Ikkaku yelled frustrated as Yumichika let out a scream and pulled away from Ikkaku only to land on the ground. Panting and crying. Ikkaku sat next to him, pulling him to his chest, he held him, and waited.

"What happened?" Ikkaku whispered as he held Yumichika running his fingers through his hair. Yumichika just buried his head into Ikkaku's chest as he tried to steady his breathing.

"What did you dream of?" Ikkaku asked as he hugged Yumichika tightly. Yumichika trembled and looked at Ikkaku with teary eyes and shook his head. The pain in his lavender eyes broke Ikkaku's heart.

"Yumichika is it about that place?" Ikkaku asked he watched as Yumichika shook his head against his chest.

"Tell me Yumi." Ikkaku said as he held Yumichika tighter he felt Yumichika hug him back just as tightly as he cried.

"I-I don't w-want to t-talk about it." Yumichika stated through sobs that still racked his slim frame. Ikkaku rubbed tiny circles on Yumichika's back until the slighter man stopped crying and pulled away to look at Ikkaku.

"Yumichika what's wrong?" Ikkaku asked again desperate to know what was causing Yumichika so much emotional turmoil. Yumichika laid back down on the bed and Ikkaku settled next to him. Yumichika buried his face into Ikkaku's chest and Ikkaku wrapped his arm around him.

"Don't get used to this I ain't a fag." Ikkaku growled and heard Yumichika chuckle before moving closer.

"Whats wrong with liking the same gender? I'm gay I know that much about my tastes." Yumichika stated leaving Ikkaku in a state of shock. After the initial shock Ikkaku stayed still waiting to see if Yumichika was joking.

"I'm not joking Ikkaku." Yumichika stated after a few tense seconds Ikkaku laughed.

"I don't care. That's what you like." Ikkaku said and felt Yumichika relax once more. They remained in a comfortable silence, until Yumichika spoke again.

"Do you ever dream about your live in the world of the living?" Yumichika asked.

"Nope." Ikkaku lied easily. He didn't want anyone knowing how he'd died it was to dishonorable for him, as a fighter, to have died so recklessly, even though it'd been in battle, it was for a stupid reason something he never wanted to relive. He'd fought for revenge to avenge him.

"I do. Every now and them." Yumichika whispered a deep sorrow in his voice.

"What do you dream of?" Ikkaku asked. He felt Yumichika stiffen, before relaxing, and taking a deep breath.

"My death and the death of my lover. How ashamed he was of me and how much he probably hated me in the end." Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku instantly held Yumichika tighter.

"Why would anyone be ashamed to have ya as a lover or friend? You're perfect." Ikkaku whispered.

"I still think he was ashamed when we died I could see it in his eyes that's why I think me getting raped and beaten was punishment for whatever it was that I did to make him hate me." Yumichika whispered.

"There is nothing in this world that ya could do to deserve what happened to ya." Ikkaku stated.

"I once wanted to find him, but I can't remember his face or name and I don't think he'd want me to find him. All I remember are words. Promises of eternal love, of happiness, and protection." As Yumichika spoke Ikkaku realized just how much suffering he had gone through to.

"What were ya dreaming about?" Ikkaku asked Yumichika looked at him and smiled sadly.

"My death how painful it was to know that I cause both of our deaths. I can't blame him if he hates me." Yumichika stated noticing the curious look Ikkaku gave him he began to tell his story, a story that he'd never told anyone before, and a story that might change both their lives forever. Nothing well ever be the same for either one of them.

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**Hope you enjoyed it and sorry about the ending I didn't think this chapter needed to be any longer. Please reveiw tell me if you liked it or hated it. Thanks for reading!!**


	7. The past part 1

**Chapter title: The past part 1**

**Word count: 4993**

**Summary: Yumichika's life before he died. **

**Warming: OOC**

**Authors note: ****I'm not very happy with how this came out but them I wrote this at midnight. I wanted it to be emotional but it came out rather dull but I hope you enjoy it. **

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_Living World Year unknown Japan (Yumichika's past)_

Yumichika stood in front of his father head bowed low as he was scolded. His father was upset because of his flirtatious attitude, mostly because he only flirted with men, and for cutting his kendo classes. Yumichika sighed once he was allowed to leave the room. He hated being a noble and even more being on only child. Above all he hated the war it was ugly and pointless considering both sides were evenly matched. Yumichika sighed again as he headed over to his private gardens where he and his mother had sat and listened to the calm chirping of the birds. He looked up at the sky and noticed that there was a storm approaching the mansion with a cool breeze. He looked at the trees flowing in the gentle breeze and couldn't help but smile even though the place brought back thousands of painful memories. The death of his beloved grandparents and his mother. Which had cause his father to change. He'd become abusive toward him and resentful that he had survived the attack when his mother had not. Yumichika looked at the sky again a single tear made its way down his face as he recalled his mother hiding him from the enemies that had entered the mansion to kill his entire family. He hadn't been strong enough to protect her. He hadn't been able to live that down. He missed her greatly but he hoped that she was in a better place then he was.

For the most part he didn't need his father reminding him of all the things he couldn't do. He already felt enough self hatred for all the things that had happened to him. He headed toward his rooms where his current lover was. Yumichika slammed the door open and shut behind himself. He looked at his sleeping lover and smiled softly. He was the only one who could understand him. His smiled brightened as he moved to the bed and laid down. He didn't hear the screams coming from the front gate as he looked at his lover who was also his personal bodyguard but like always was unable to remember a face. He felt a hand reach up to caress his face gently. They stayed like that for a while until his lover got up and got dressed, being one of Yumichika's lover was risky for if caught it could mean death just like all his other male lovers that his father had found out about. Yumichika sighed as his lover grabbed his sword and turned away from him. Just as he was about to leave, the door was kicked in, and several armed men stood there swords raised. Hired assassins. His guard stood in front of him, ready to fight of anyone who might hurt Yumichika. Yumichika got up and ran toward his sword only to be caught by his hair by one of the assassins. He watched as his guard stopped moving as soon as he was caught.

"My my how strange that anyone would still sleep with the likes of you." One of the masked men snarled.

"You'd think they would know better considering everyone that becomes your lover ends up dead." A female voice rang out.

"Just like my brother." The one that seemed to be the leader growled out as he unsheathed his sword.

Yumichika let out a scream of horror when he saw the sword plunged through his beloved. The floor and walls were turned crimson and the look his lover gave him broke his heart. It was a look filled with hatred and resentment. He realized just for a flash that it was all his fault like always. If he hadn't asked him to be his lover if only he had paid better attention to the mansion or for signs of intruders. He also realized that he'd been used just like everyone else had used him for his power and money.

**Present**

"Yumichika that doesn't tell me how ya died or why ya had nightmares." Ikkaku grumbled as he looked down at Yumichika's sad features. After a long uncomfortable silence Yumichika spoke up once more.

"They tied me up and brought my father into the room. He was the only family I had left even though he hated me I still loved him and they beat him to death in front of me. After words they beat me and raped me for a while until they grew tried of it. In the end they burned me to death. I remember feeling the heat under me and the smell of burning flesh and hair. After a while my lungs filled with the smoke and I don't know what killed me the smoke or the fire." Yumichika smiled sadly at him, coughing slightly. Ikkaku noticed his nose was slightly reddish and his face was flushed.

"I heard a story like that once I never thought it might have been ya. I heard it from my little sister." Ikkaku said reaching for the brush that laid next to the window. He untied Yumichika's hair and began brushing it.

"I didn't know you had a sister." Yumichika stated lulled by the gentle strokes to his scalp.

"I barely remember her though. I remember dying for her that's about it." Ikkaku stated. He felt Yumichika turn to look at him with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry Ikkaku." Was all he could think of saying. Yumichika looked up at him and gently caressed his cheek, eyes full of sympathy.

"You were probably a great brother." Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku smacked his hand away frightening Yumichika who instantly got up, stumbling in his hurry, he broke a mirror the the glass shattering all around him one piece sliced his forearm and felt blood running down from the cut but ignored it. He moved to the far wall afraid of what Ikkaku might do to him he slide down into a sitting position. Yumichika looked at Ikkaku frightened as he held his arm he felt blood trickling between his fingers. He saw Ikkaku's eyes they looked at him full of regret and a deep sorrow. Ikkaku turned away from him the minute he noticed the eye contact. _'Damn it! I didn't mean to hit him or for him to cut himself. Who the hell left that mirror there anyways?'_Ikkaku felt childish he expected Yumichika to leave and was shocked when he felt two arms wrap around his neck.

"I'm sorry if I bothered you Ikkaku. I wont say anything else if it makes you uncomfortable." Yumichika whispered going back to the futon and laying down. Ikkaku crawled over to him and grabbed his hand gently. It was turning red and would probably bruise soon he couldn't tell because of the blood that ran down it. He hung his head to the side in shame. He hated talking about what few memories he had and he hated been told that he was a great brother after what he'd let happen to his sister. He went into the bathroom and brought back a wet towel to clean the blood off. As he did so he noticed that Yumichika eyebrows were furrowed in slight confusion.

"Do you hate me Ikkaku? Are you only pretending to be my friend out of pity." Yumichika asked so softly it was said hesitantly not from fear but from the deep sorrow that began to grow in his heart, the fear of being all alone again, of being hurt, and betrayed. The sting from Chikao's betrayal was still fresh in his mind.

"Please tell me the truth. You wouldn't be the first one to tell me you hated me. If you do just tell me and I'll leave Ikkaku! I'll stop bothering you so much and you wont have to put up with me I know I'm useless, I can't fight, and I'm not that great of a companion. I know just tell me please if you do I'll leave." Yumichika said softly eyes filled with unshed tears. Ikkaku stared into his lavender eyes which he was certain were original that no one other then Yumichika had eyes that beautiful. Yumichika was unique in many ways but his eyes were his most unique feature. He knew without a doubt that Yumichika needed someone to care about him what he didn't understand was why he'd said that.

"It's not like you could go anywhere." Ikkaku grumbled he felt Yumichika yank his arm away. He grabbed his kimono got dressed faster than Ikkaku had thought possible and gotten his geta on. Yumichika went over to the pack Ikkaku had given him and pulled out the combs and turned to leave. Ikkaku got up and grabbed hold of his wrists pushing him against the wall.

"Damn it well ya stop being such a girl!" Ikkaku growled out.

"When you stop been so inconsiderate of how I feel and what has happened to me! You know what I take it back you were probably a horrible brother!!" Yumichika stated without thinking he felt Ikkaku's hand connect with his face and looked up to see Ikkaku infuriated with him. Ikkaku let go of him and he fell to the ground in shock. His small hand coming up to cup his red cheek.

"Get out and don't come back!" Ikkaku growled and watched as Yumichika nodded and got up he left behind the box with his combs, the katana, and everything he probably needed to survive but he didn't care. He was blinded by so many emotions hurt, disappointment, anger, and confusion. He was confused most of all why Ikkaku had changed so suddenly they had been laughing and talking hours before and now he was all alone again. He left the inn and ran for the woods where he sat down against a tree gasping for air he could feel tears running down his face. He hadn't wanted to leave and he knew he'd be dead soon if he stayed out here all alone. He laid there wishing he could find someone that wouldn't hurt him, that wouldn't judge him for who he was for what he liked or how he acted. He wanted a true friend that wouldn't hit him or yell at him or insult him. He curl into a tight ball. He was so cold he could hear a rattling coming from his chest as he coughed violently. He had told Ikkaku his past something he'd never let anyone know simply because he had felt the need to trust someone.

He had trust Ikkaku with his past and got kicked out like a dog for it. Well not really but he realized that if he hadn't left Ikkaku would have kicked him out anyways. He looked up at the sky with fresh tears he wished he could just die again or that he were stronger. He sneezed and curled into a tighter ball it was so cold and the wind was raging too. He looked up to see the full moon shining and couldn't help but admire how beautiful it was.

"I wish I were the moon. I wish I were as distant as the moon and as unreachable." Yumichika whispered to himself as he coughed violently.

Ikkaku sat on the futon holding onto the combs he'd given Yumichika he felt guilty truly guilty. He knew that Yumichika wouldn't last long out there with no food or money. He'd be dead in a few days at max, but what he'd said had gotten him pissed off. He knew he hadn't been the best brother but he'd done the best he could. He looked at the far wall where Yumichika had moved to, to try and get away from him. He could see his face bruised after he'd beaten him, his bony body been beaten by his rapists, the fear that was always there when he woke up, his soft laughter, and his gentle smile filled with happiness at the smallest of things. He could hear his voice always full of affection and admiration. He knew two things at that moment he was on his way for a long guilt trip and if his little sister had been around she would have been disappointed. It took him half on hour to came to a decision.

"Damn that pretty boy." He grumbled as he got up to go search for Yumichika. He grabbed his swords on his way out. As he got downstairs he asked if they'd seen where he ran of to. He ran out of the village just as it started to rain the cold water made him tremble and he thought of Yumichika how cold he most be considering he'd taken his light kimono one of the ones he'd bought him for summer. He saw a body curled up on the side of the road. He ran toward it and saw that it was Yumichika who seemed to be unconscious.

"Shit." Ikkaku ran over to Yumichika and lifted him up gently. His lips were blueish and his hair was stinking to his forehead and back. He touch his forehead and was glad to find that he didn't feel to hot.

"Yumichika ya dumb fuck!" Ikkaku growled noticing that Yumichika was trembling in his arms. Ikkaku felt more guilt rack his soul. He watched as Yumichika opened his eyes slowly when he saw Ikkaku's worried expression he instantly tried to smile.

"Why are you here??" Yumichika asked softly before coughing again. His frame was racked by the coughs. Ikkaku ignored him as he began to protest, and ran as fast as he could back to the inn where he used the back entrance and headed for the hot spring with Yumichika still in his arms. He undressed Yumichika and himself as quickly as he could. He got into the hot spring still holding Yumichika to his chest and splashed some warm water onto Yumichika's arms and face. Rubbing his arms trying to warm him up.

"Leave me be Ikkaku please just let me go. I'll be fine." Yumichika whispered trying to make Ikkaku let go but failing miserably. Ikkaku simply chose to ignore him and continue to bathe Yumichika slight frame.

"Please Ikkaku you don't have to pretend you actually want my companionship or friendship I realize you don't so please stop!" Yumichika mumbled as he looked into Ikkaku's eyes. Ikkaku continued to ignore him simply because he couldn't face him. He had noticed that Yumichika was coughing and his nose was a slightly pink but he'd ignored that, hit him, and told him to leave into the cold weather that could have possibly killed him.

"Shut up Yumichika." Ikkaku growled out as he poured some water onto Yumichika's head and ran his fingers through his hair. After a while Yumichika went limp, his eyes closed, and his breathing became uneven. Ikkaku got out of the water, dried Yumichika up while he himself froze, and after drying himself and redressing them both head to their room. Setting Yumichika on the bed gently he changed him into a sleeping kimono. Covering Yumichika up to his chin in blankets he rolled out the second futon and laid down. He kept his head turned to look at Yumichika's porcelain face. He longed to hold him to feel the warmth of Yumichika's body considering how cold it felt in the room. Several hours later Yumichika's eyes fluttered open revealing beautiful lavender eyes to the world, his face was flushed, and his breathing came out in short raspy breaths. He turned his head to the side to see Ikkaku laying on another futon asleep. Yumichika frowned getting up silently and going to sit next to the window he looked at the sky which was black with storm clouds. He sighed and looked at Ikkaku wondering what to do now.

Yumichika walked over to where Ikkaku was laying and stared at him for while he smiled softly grabbing his pillow and crawling in under the covers with his back turned to Ikkaku. He was cold but Ikkaku's body heat felt so calming and protecting. He began to drift into a light sleep and the last thing he felt before drifting off were Ikkaku's arms wrap around him. He smiled and fell asleep in the embrace.

First thing Ikkaku noticed as he began to wake up was the warm body in his arms, the second was the soft hair that laid over his chest, and the third was the Yumichika's hand curled on his chest. He smiled as he looked down at Yumichika gently moving him to the side he went downstairs to the kitchen and got their breakfast. He quickly headed back to the their rooms to find Yumichika up using the wall to support himself. Ikkaku instantly set the trays down and head over to him and helped him back to the bed.

"Yumichika are ya okay?" Ikkaku asked his voice a low rumble. Yumichika looked at him his face was flushed.

"I feel really dizzy and my chest hurts." Yumichika whispered leaning heavily on Ikkaku. Ikkaku helped him to the futon and went to get the trays from the small table. He walked back to Yumichika and handed him one of the trays.

"Can ya eat?" Ikkaku asked slightly worried about Yumichika who shook his head with a sad smile.

"I can't I feel like I'll throw up." Yumichika whispered turning away from the food. Ikkaku sighed.

"Drink some tea them." Ikkaku grumbled. Yumichika grabbed the cup and drank it down his brows furrowed in slight pain.

"Why did you go after me Ikkaku? You told me to not come back so why would you bring me back here." Yumichika whispered his voice hoarse from coughing. As he set the cup down and ran his fingers through his hair.

"What the hell did ya expect me to do?" Ikkaku growled taking the cup from Yumichika's bedside.

"To abandon me like everyone else has." Yumichika whispered he felt Ikkaku ruffle his hair.

"Baka like hell I'm letting ya die." Ikkaku grumbled. Yumichika smiled softly his eyes filled with tears of joy.

"So I'm allowed to stay here with you?" Yumichika asked as Ikkaku grumbled and ruffled his hair again making Yumichika pout.

"You ruined my hair Ikka." Yumichika hissed fixing it in a desperate fashion. Ikkaku laughed he was glad until he heard Yumichika gasping for breath and coughing violently. Once he stopped he was clutching his chest and gasping for breath his face a mask of fear. Ikkaku held him close as Yumichika continued to struggle to breath.

"Shit Yumi ya okay?" Ikkaku asked worry evident in his voice. Yumichika glared at him as if he'd asked the stupidest thing in the world.

"Do I sound okay?" Yumichika mumbled as Ikkaku wrapped his arms around him patting his back softly.

"Good point." Ikkaku stated getting up.

"I'll get ya some tea and then I need to go check something out. Okay?" Ikkaku told Yumichika who only nodded and laid back down. Without another word Ikkaku left. He went downstairs and grabbed a teapot filled it with water and made some tea. He waited impatiently as the water boiled and added the tea leaves. He ran back upstairs and set the teapot with a cup next to Yumichika's bed where he laid asleep. Ikkaku sighed as he noticed Yumichika's flushed face and erratic breathing as well as the coughs every now and them. He gently caressed Yumichika's flustered cheek.

"Ya better get better pretty boy." Ikkaku grumbled as he got up and left.

Ikkaku headed to the outskirts of the village and smirked when he saw the small slightly run down house. He had heard that the people who used to live in it had been killed and it'd been abandoned since but it was in good shape considering it hadn't been lived in for a few years. Ikkaku walked to the front door and picked the lock with ease. He looked around for a while it only had one room and small kitchen which was also the living room but it was enough for them. He smiled as he thought of all the fights he could pick without having to spend money on a room. He smiled as he continued to look around it was only about fifteen minutes from the village and had a river behind it so they wouldn't have to worry about water. He had already brought a futon and put it in the room.

There was a fire place in the small living room area which would have to be cleaned but for a few holes on the roof, that he could fix, it was very much habitable. Ikkaku smirk he couldn't wait to get out of that damned inn. He hated having to deal with children crying and running around and old people whining about it. He sighed the only problem was Yumichika's health he didn't seem to be very fit right at the time and it was starting to worry him. He headed back to the inn quickly.

Ikkaku began packing as soon as he got back to their room even though Yumichika was still asleep. Once he finished he went over to the sleeping beauty and woke him up. Who awoke very grumpy making Ikkaku laugh as he pouted and them cussed as he got dressed. They each grabbed one of the packs and went out they paid the inn keeper and headed out.

"Where are we going?" Yumichika asked as Ikkaku lead him to the northern end of the village that happened to be one of the exits of the village.

"Ya'll see." Ikkaku replied as he picked up the pace forcing Yumichika to run to catch up since he hadn't expected him to move that fast.

"I don't like this Ikkaku! Please tell me where we're going." Yumichika said giving Ikkaku the puppy eyes. Ikkaku shook his head and refused to look at Yumichika for he knew that he wouldn't be able to resist that look.

"Yer such a baby. A damn brat." Ikkaku growled as Yumichika continued to ask questions. Once they reached the outskirts which to Ikkaku seemed like the longest fifteen minutes of his life. Yumichika finally fell silently.

"We're gonna stay here till I kick every ass in this town." Ikkaku grumbled and watched as Yumichika went into the house wary of someone being there. Ikkaku followed him and watched as Yumichika smiled it was a small place but Yumichika liked it. It felt nice to have a home with Ikkaku instead of going from inn to inn or sleeping outside. Yumichika set his pack down next to the door.

"Okay do you want me to set out our stuff." Yumichika asked and Ikkaku shook his head as he picked Yumichika up, bride style, and laid him down on the futon. Yumichika instantly pouted and started sulking.

"I'll be right back ya big baby." Ikkaku stated as he headed to the entrance where he picked up both backpacks and started unpacking the necessary. As Ikkaku went back into the room he found Yumichika on the verge of throwing up. He put a bucket in front of him and pulled his hair back. He could feel Yumichika struggle as he threw up what little he had eaten in the last few days. Once he was finished Ikkaku got up and got him a wash cloth.

"What's happening to me??" Yumichika asked as he cleaned himself up a small line of dribble running down the side of his mouth as he panted.

"Ya'll get better Yumi yer tougher them any illness." Ikkaku replied rubbing circled on Yumichika's back as he had done many times before with his sister.

"Ikka I feel dizzy." Yumichika mumbled resting his back on Ikkaku's chest. Ikkaku wrapped his arms around Yumichika gently.

"Ya'll be fine Yumi ya have to be." Ikkaku whisper the last part letting Yumichika lean on him for to convince himself them Yumichika.

"I'm sorry for being such a bother Ikka." Yumichika told him turning to face Ikkaku. His face was flushed and his nose was a reddish color.

"Ya ain't a bother Yumi stop thinking like that, will ya!" Ikkaku growled as he touched Yumichika's forehead he felt as he were touching a small fire. Yumichika didn't say anything but he wanted to say that that was how he felt with how Ikkaku somethings act toward him.

"Thank you Ikkaku for taking care of me." Yumichika whispered as Ikkaku laid him back down. Ikkaku moved a strand of hair away from his face and looked at him with worried eyes.

"It's alright." Ikkaku said laying down next to him.

"I figured it out Yumi. I figured out why I want to protect ya." Ikkaku said when Yumichika looked at him with curiosity he smiled and laid down next to him.

"Why Ikka?" Yumichika whispered yawning. He turned his entire body to face Ikkaku and looked at him with exhausted eyes.

"Really its rather simple." Ikkaku said thoughtfully.

"Ikkaku I don't like it when you think its never good." Yumichika whispered earning a glare from Ikkaku before he continued.

"You're like my sis." Ikkaku grumbled as he poked Yumichika's stomach earning a sqeeck from the smaller man.

"You're annoying as hell, a pain in the ass, and childish but you're beautiful and strong willed as well as loyal. That's why I want to protect ya 'cause you're just like her."

"Because I'm annoying, a pain in the ass, and childish??" Yumichika asked confusion laced his words and his brows furrowed.

"Dumb ass not that! Its because I think you're like her." Ikkaku growled flicking Yumichika on the forehead. Yumichika simply pouted and turned his back on Ikkaku.

"I'm sorry that most hurt to think that I'm like her when you don't seem to know what became of her." Yumichika whispered.

"Idiot I'm kinda glad." Ikkaku said hugging Yumichika who simply turned to look at him with sad eyes.

"I don't think you should. I mean how am like her I can't do anything for myself. I'm weak. I'm useless." Ikkaku was tempted to smack Yumichika for that but he didn't when he saw the Yumichika's face only portrayed truth. He truly believed what he was saying. It made him sad to know that.

"Shut up. Go to sleep Yumichika when ya wake up I'll explain myself." Ikkaku grumbled as he held Yumichika who yawned and was asleep in seconds.

Hours later Ikkaku got up to make something to eat for himself and some soup for Yumichika. As he waited for the soup to be ready he walked back to the room to find Yumichika looking around for him. Ikkaku moved toward the bed and looked at Yumichika who was half asleep and frightened probably from a bad dream. He grabbed Yumichika's arms which were burning hot and held them tightly as he waited for him to calm down. Recognition dawned in lavender orbs and a light blush dusts his already flushed cheeks.

"I'm sorry I had a nightmare." Yumichika whispered as he stopped and looked at Ikkaku who nodded.

"I know Yumichika ya shouldn't worry about it or explain I already know." Ikkaku whispered as he stared at Yumichika.

"Can ya get up or do ya want to eat here."

"I'll eat here Ikkaku I feel so tried." Yumichika whispered holding back a yawn. Ikkaku nodded before getting up and going to the kitchen only to return minutes later with food for them both.

"Thank you." Yumichika said as he tried to eat but could only manage a few spoon fulls before he started wincing from the pain it caused to shallow. He set the bowl down before turning to look at Ikkaku who was still eating.

"Ya need to eat." Ikkaku stated as he swallowed a mouthful of rice.

"It hurts to eat." Yumichika said sighing as he looked at his bowl with longing.

"Then endure it cause if ya don't ya'll die." Ikkaku growled out as he finished he could see he hadn't convinced Yumichika into eating anything.

"If ya eat I'll tell ya how I died." He stated and watched as Yumichika grabbed the bowl and ate. Once he was done he handed the bowl to Ikkaku who went back to the kitchen/living room and left it next to the small make sift sink. As he walked back into the room he saw Yumichika doubled over coughing. As he rushed to see if Yumichika was okay he stopped and laid down looking at Ikkaku he smiled weakly.

"Don't make such on ugly face Ikkaku." Yumichika stated his voice coming out as a hoarse whisper. Ikkaku simply ignored the comment and moved closer until he could see Yumichika in the light of the moon. He was flushed and sweaty but somehow still managed to look beautiful. He grabbed Yumichika's pack and search through it until he found one of the combs and gave it to Yumichika who pulled his hair into a bun and left his bangs free framing his face.

"Thank you." Yumichika said coughing.

"I'm going to tell ya what happened before I died and how I died." Ikkaku stated. Yumichika coughed slightly before replying.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." Came the hoarse reply which Ikkaku ignored as he began to retell his tale.

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**Hope you enjoyed! Reviews and advice or constructive critism** **is good!**


	8. The plague

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Chapter title: The plague

**Word count: 3472 (I know short I apologize)**

**Summary: Yumichika's sick with a deadly illness and Ikkaku meets to great thieves and healers.**

**Warming: Angst.**

**Authors note: Well this took way to long to write and is way to short for my liking but atleast I updated hahaha...**

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Chapter 8: The plague

Yumichika coughed in his sleep and Ikkaku sighed Yumichika had gotten sick well it had gone from bad to horrible. He hadn't gotten to tell Yumichika about his past but he was perfectly fine with that. He didn't want to talk about it to begin with. He hated what happened and now he was just too worried about Yumichika's health. When he started talking Yumichika had fainted and now had a very high fever. Ikkaku gently pulled the covers over Yumichika and wiped the sweat of Yumichika's brow. He watched his friend for a while wondering what to do now. He stayed there for a few more minutes before moving a stray strand of hair away from the flushed face. He had to do something.

With fear gripping his chest at what might happen to Yumichika Ikkaku left roaming the village looking for a healer that he felt was worth the money. He found one in the shape of two young women. They looked to be in their early twenties but when your dead looks can be deceiving. One was short with long black curly hair with red highlights in it and the other was about five inches taller with short dirty blond hair. It was obvious the smaller one was a healer or maybe a noble and the other was her bodyguard. He however felt uneasy as he walked towards the women who were sitting at a table eating some dango.

"Oy are ya a healer?" Ikkaku asked just to make sure. When cold calculating brown eyes turned to look at him he wonder if he'd gotten his facts right but when a gentle smile lit up the brown eyes he sighed.

"Yeah she is what the fuck do you want?" The taller one asked furious hazel eyes turned to him.

"I need someone to check on my friend's health... He's sick and I don't know what ta do." Ikkaku growled out annoyed. He noticed that the shorter woman had a trident next to her seat and the taller one had a short sword next to her. He realized that he knew who they were and the feeling of unease became greater with the realization. The leaders of a gang that used healing and offensive kido to pick fights with soul society and steal from the great noble clans. The smaller one smiled when she saw the realization dawning on his face.

"I believe you recognize us." She asked in a sweet voice with on innocent smile that failed to reach her brown eyes.

"Who the hell wouldn't?" Ikkaku asked in amazement causing them both to laugh in amusement.

"An idiot wouldn't recognize the two most skilled thieves in the Rukongai. It's said you two are the only ones to try to take on the Thirteen Court Guard Squads and live. You're Emiko [1] and Hotaru [2]." Emiko smiled at the complements while Hotaru looked pissed.

"I don't like you already baldy... Amaterasu [3] and I can kick your ass in seconds so there's not much to worry about though. Emiko can I kill him..." Hotaru smiled viciously while Emiko laughed behind the baby blue sleeve of her kimono and shook her head.

"Or little Emiko could grow a back bone and use her bankai for once. I mean seriously the last time you used Yami no Umi's [4] bankai was years ago!" Emiko sighed.

"What about you! Poor Amaterasu having to put up with your temper day and night! Oh forget it! What do you need or want or whatever." Emiko sighed depressed. Ikkaku's temper was getting the best of him he saw their little argument as a waste of time he wasn't sure he could spare. The thought of Yumichika being dead when he returned was there but he continued to push it way.

"My friend's sick I need a damn healer..." Ikkaku growled getting angrier by the minute.

"I vote you let him die..." Came Hotaru's voice. She earned a kick from the smaller woman and glare.

"I vote I kick your ass... I'll see if I can help." Emiko sighed. They all started walking towards the inn. There was a very uncomfortable silence. When they walked into the room. Ikkaku rushed forward to where Yumichika was standing using the wall for support. Ikkaku sighed and gently pulled Yumichika into his arms picking him up bridal style, he ignored the fact that Yumichika cuddled into his chest, and carried him to the bed.

"Yumi ya shouldn't have gotten up..." Ikkaku whispered gently. He laid Yumichika down on the bed. He was worried when Yumichika turned to him his face was flushed and his bright violet eyes were a dull gray, his lips were cracked from the fever.

"I was worried Ikkaku... but everything started spinning when I got up to look for you and I couldn't stay standing..." Yumichika whispered in a hoarse voice through coughs. Ikkaku reached for the water he'd left next to the bed. He lifted Yumichika into a sitting position and gently poured it into Yumichika's mouth. Ikkaku didn't notice the sad look Emiko had on her pretty face as she saw how weak Yumichika was. With a sigh Emiko moved toward the bed to check on Yumichika she gasped when she saw his face for the first time.

"What a beautiful man... makes me wish I hadn't given up on men..." Hotaru laughed while Emiko smiled softly. Moving her hands to Yumichika's heart her brows furrowed in confusion.

"That's weird... Has he been poisoned recently or had a severe injury that caused a large amount of blood loss?" She mumbled as she continued her examination. Ikkaku looked down ashamed he still hadn't gotten over either event.

"Yeah... What the hell does that have to do with anything though?" Ikkaku grumbled watching the healer closely for any signs that she wasn't doing her job and might try to harm Yumichika. She sighed.

"There is a plague going around and he has it... because of the poison weakening his immune system, his body recovering from blood loss, and the illness being so strong it makes my job a hell of a lot harder... Damn it Hotaru sweetie get me my trident please." She mumbled Hotaru was about to comment on the sweetie but decided against it when she noticed Emiko's reitsu rising. Hotaru did as she was told and watched her companion do her job.

"What the hell are ya doing?" Ikkaku asked seeing black water coming from her trident. He watched in amazement as her small hands moved back and forth. That's when he decide that the magic she was using was worthless in a fight. He was impressed but in a fight it would be nothing but cowardly.

"It's simple I'm using part of my shikai to heal him..." Emiko mumbled. Hotaru watched as if in a trance. She moved toward Ikkaku and placed her hand on his shoulder getting his attention she gently directed him to the door.

"Don't worry Ikkaku Emiko is not someone I'd be likely to pick a fight with they used to call her the demon of the ocean... It's funny since she hates fighting her nature is on the healing side. Until you piss her off." Hotaru said a note of sorrow in her calm voice.

"What's that supposed ta mean?" Ikkaku grumbled unsure why he felt worried for Yumichika in a way it would be better if he'd just die. It would safe him a hell of a lot of trouble. For the first time in his life he felt regret to think something like that. He sighed and watch Hotaru laughed.

"Emiko is unique she has both healing and destructive powers which make her a treat to her enemies and the greatest ally. I guess what I'm trying to say is even I fear her at times. She'll heal your friend if she can if not she'll stick around to help you both. It's strange she usually doesn't help anyone... She most see something in your future or in your soul that makes you special." Hotaru watched she was lying Emiko saw the soul's while she saw the future that was why Yamamoto wanted them both gone they were a treat if they ever decided to betray Soul Society.

"Is that shit even possible?" Ikkaku asked shocked when all Hotaru did was laugh he growled a curse and watched her closely he knew she wasn't as weak as some might think and neither was Emiko but there was something weird about them. Something unlike a normal soul or a soul reaper.

"You know what you should be a gentlemen and treat a little lady to some lunch... Oh and we should bring something for Little Emiko too..." Hotaru laughed when Ikkaku glared at her grabbing his hand she headed for the market.

Emiko sighed this wasn't going to be easy Yumichika was obviously to weak to fight the illness on his own. She knew it would take a few days for him to even show signs of recovery let alone be cured completely. She groaned she was getting a headache and wasn't happy she and Hotaru should have headed back home by know but she couldn't leave someone that was hurt in pain it was against her vows.

"Damn it all..." She bit her tongue for the curse and continued to feed her reitsu into Yumichika's body it was difficult but she had to force the illness away from the heart and brain or else it would shut his entire body down. She wiped the sweat of her brow this was bad she knew what this type of illness could do to strong Shinigami but to a man recovering form poison it wasn't something that anyone could survive very easily. She felt tired and sickly she'd just gotten back from a mission to the world of the living on behave of the Kuchiki clan and had gotten hurt there.

"If Hotaru found out about my injury she'd kill us both little one..." She mumbled trying to distract herself from her numbed arm and the smell of illness that she hated so much. She felt Hotaru coming back and moaned in annoyance she was dead. With a sighed she pulled her arms away from Yumichika and grabbed her bag to get the herbs necessary to make a stronger antidote to destroy the remains of the poison it was ridiculous the first antidote had only stopped some of the effects the visible ones however the more severe one the weakened immune system was very much still there.

She jumped when the door was slammed open and Hotaru came at her with a growl. She gasped as she was slammed on the ground her arms pinned above her head. She giggled when Hotaru's hands tickled her stomach as they tried to find the injury she'd realized Emiko had by how weak her reitsu felt when they were coming back. She let out a hissed breath when her fingers gently grazed a long gash on her thigh and another one on her back.

"EMIKO!" Hotaru growled when her hand pulled back with blood. Ikkaku stared in shock how could Emiko use so much reitsu when she was injured. He'd heard that the more severely injured the Shinigami the weaker their black magic got but Emiko was barely showing signings of it when she started healing Yumichika.

"Hotaru shut up you're making my headache worse..." Emiko mumbled. Emiko's eyes widened in surprise and soft gasp escaped her rose colored lips when Hotaru's hands reached for her obi.

"What the hell are ya doing to her Hotaru?" Ikkaku questioned at the looks they were giving each other Emiko looked like she was gonna kill someone and Hotaru looked pissed off and worried.

"Trying to see what this idiot of a partner of mine did to herself..." Hotaru growled as she undid the obi and let the kimono fall open to reveal a breast plate which made Ikkaku sigh he didn't want to see her naked she was gorgeous dressed he didn't even want to know how hot she'd be undressed. He ignored the two women and went over to where Yumichika laid looking much peacefuller then before. He sighed in relieve and laid down next to him and pulled him closer to his chest. He held Yumichika tenderly. He failed to notice Emiko's soft smile. Emiko gently grabbed Hotaru's hand as she lead her outside.

"Rent a room Hotaru we're staying until he's healed..." Hotaru growled and was about to protest until she saw Emiko's pleading look. She sighed and went to do her biding. Emiko smiled and went back into the room a soft smile grazed her features at the sight before her. Ikkaku had pulled Yumichika into his embrace and Yumichika had laid his head on Ikkaku's shoulder. They were both sleeping peacefully in each others embrace. She sighed she envied them both they were lucky to be able to get that close and still not admit that they cared more deeply. Her smile grew when Yumichika nuzzled into Ikkaku's chest and his hand curled into a fist on Ikkaku's shoulder. She wondered what Ikkaku would do if she was unable to cure Yumichika with a sigh she turned and left.

"Hotaru I-" Emiko began only to be interrupted.

"Don't worry about it Emiko you and I both know you can't leave a person in pain... You've gotten even softer these last few years. I don't know if we should get involved with them any further though I don't like their futures and I know you don't like Ikkaku's temperament. Now Ikkaku bought us some lunch lets eat while they sleep." Hotaru finished and watched Emiko's softly smile and nod.

"I want to help them... I think it's because of Yumichika." Emiko mumbled earning a curious look from Hotaru. As if reading Hotaru's mind she continued.

"He's so gentle yet I can see that many horrible things have happened to him and yet his heart is pure as for Ikkaku he puts on a gruff almost uncaring appearance but he has a protective instinct toward Yumichika..." Hotaru gave a soft chuckle.

"This isn't about helping them because of your vows but because they remind you of us when we were younger. That's ridiculous Yumichika was beaten by Ikkaku after Yumichika saved him... and he got poisoned because of it. Confused and feeling rejected he tried to kill himself but was stopped by Ikkaku who is trying and failing to make him." Hotaru mumbled she hated the ability to see peoples pasts and futures it made trusting very hard.

"Hotaru that's horrible... I wow I don't know what to say..." Hotaru turned hazel eyes to the small healer and sighed she couldn't read her Emiko could block her powers at will.

"Are you still gonna help them?" She mumbled and watched Emiko close her eyes and smile.

"Yep..." Hotaru shook her head wondering where they'd end up this time. With a sigh she followed Emiko heaven or hell we'll always be together Emiko.

**LATE AT NIGHT**

Ikkaku had awoken from a troubled sleep where Yumichika had died. He could tell it was bad he wasn't as stupid as everyone thought and seeing Yumichika's trembling form and flushed face made him realize that he hadn't gotten better. He had gone and gotten some water and a few towels to dry Yumichika's brow with and now he looked down at Yumichika's sleeping form wondering if everything would work out it was obvious that Emiko was powerful but she was hurt and working in weakened state. To add to that Yumichika's entire body was weaker them ever. The chances were all against Yumichika surviving and that angered him for some reason.

"It's all my damn fault... If I had been more understanding. Just a little bit more considerate." Ikkaku growled somehow he wasn't surprised when Yumichika's hand covered his own.

"Ikkaku..." Yumichika whispered.

"Hey ya feeling any better?" Ikkaku asked worried for Yumichika.

"A bit what happened..." Yumichika asked his throat hurt and he had a headache but he felt a lot better then he had a few hours ago.

"Emiko healed ya well tried ta her babysitter dragged her away." Ikkaku grumbled earning a soft smile from Yumichika.

"Babysitter?" Yumichika asked softly.

"Hotaru she wont let Emiko out of her sight for long and is always worried about her I'd hate ta see what happens when Emiko gets hurt or sick... which I doubt can happen since she's a healer." Ikkaku stated anything to distract Yumichika from how ill he was.

"Ikkaku how bad is it? Am I going to die like the others?" Yumichika asked noticing that Ikkaku was keeping something from him.

"You'll be ok Yumi wait what do you mean like the others?" Ikkaku asked laying down next to Yumichika watching him closely.

"The plague... I caught the virus didn't I?" Yumichika whispered and Ikkaku felt shocked that Yumichika had drawn a conclusion that he hadn't even thought about. Could Yumichika really be that sick.

"I don't know Yumi... All I know is that Emiko's gonna heal ya and everything well be fine. Ok?" Ikkaku asked and watched Yumichika smile gently and nod. When Yumichika fell asleep he walked out and was surprised to see Hotaru standing outside the door waiting.

"Come on Ikkaku Emiko wants to talk to you." Hotaru mumbled and turned walking down the hallway and turning into the open door. Ikkaku followed as quickly as possible. He wasn't surprised to see Emiko had changed into a white sleeping kimono her hair was damp from a bath and she looked innocent child-like.

"Did you rest well Ikkaku?" Emiko asked watching Ikkaku with a small smile that seemed to be somehow reassuring and omniscient of something tragic.

"No what the hell do ya want with me now?" Ikkaku growled and was not surprised that Hotaru was about to swing at him but was stopped by a soft sigh.

"I'm merely going to tell you what's going to happen to Yumichika or might happen." Emiko mumbled as Hotaru sat next to her. Ikkaku was shocked when Hotaru started brushing Emiko's hair what shocked him was the gentleness in the action. It seemed impossible for such a harsh person to be able to treat anyone so gently. He realized that was probably what people thought about him.

"Well." Ikkaku mumbled waiting for her to continue with a sigh she did.

"As I said the poison wasn't cured completely the poison used is a type that creates fatigue, fevers, headaches, and many other things however the main effect of the poison is a weakened immune system. Without the immune system the illness was able to increase its hold on Yumichika on top of that the blood loss left his body weakened even further. The chances of surviving are slim Ikkaku, but I'll do everything I can to help him." Emiko told him there was something in her voice that gave him hope she was going to do everything she could he had no doubt about that.

"As for what he has its a plague going around Rukongai and I'm not going to lie Ikkaku it kills two-thirds of the people that it infects and I'm afraid that Yumichika's too weak to be saved... I'm sorry." Emiko whispered. Ikkaku stood there frozen to the ground it had to be a lie, a mistake. Yumichika was strong he'd make it through with a heavy heart he turned and walked back to his room. He stood next to the bed watching Yumichika sleep and wonder if he should get a futon and sleep on it instead of next to him, but when he thought about it Yumichika would probably sleep next to him if he were sick and dying.

"I'm sorry..." Ikkaku whispered he'd told Yumichika he'd be alright but now he wonder if Yumichika would even survive the night. He looked down at his friend he hadn't even realized he had started considering Yumichika his friend until that very moment. He realized Yumichika had made his life interesting with his weird habits and gentle nature. He wondered what it'd be like to be without Yumichika now.

_'The plague might take Yumi away from me... I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy if you survive Yumi I swear.'_

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**Author note: Hope you enjoyed the extremly short update... I'm so sorry it took so long please review bye bye for now.**

**1 Emiko means Beautiful child/Smiling child**

**2 Hotaru mean firefly**

**3 Yami no umi means wave of darkness and is Emiko's sword which is usually in the form of a trident**

**4 Amaterasu means Shining over heaven and is the Goddess of the sun in japanese mythology and is in the form of a short sword belongs to Hotaru**


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